Repost: Like the medicine we use, life as a paramedic has an expiration date.

Warning* This blog contains disturbing details and is not for sensitive readers.



I’ve been a paramedic for thirteen years, eleven of which on a fairly busy department. When I set out to become a paramedic, I longed for the excitement and rush of racing against time and nature to bring someone from the brink of death. I dreamed of being the guy that people called when there was no one else who could help them. Guiding me, in a sense, was my older cousin, Greg, to whom I’ve always admired.


As I was beginning life as a paramedic, Greg was slowly realizing what I have only recently learned. He was losing that thrill—that special drive—being a paramedic brings to a person. Though I saw it happening to him, I couldn’t fathom it ever happening to me.


Life as a paramedic is tough. I’m not complaining because it can be the greatest job in the world but it is hard.


Part of our job is to forget each horrible call in time to focus on the next. For the most part, I’ve done that throughout my career. But I’m not a robot. Whereas most people have never watched a person die, I’ve done it, sometimes, more than once in a single day. While most people couldn’t imagine holding a baby who has been shaken so violently that they die in their arms, I have done that. 


It is those calls, the ones where a family is driving behind their son’s vehicle when he hits a tree and dies on impact, that add up over the years to set in a special place in my heart. Most paramedics, I imagine, carry similar weight within and continue carrying such burdens throughout their career.


But then, for some paramedics, a run changes everything. For me, it was a car accident on a beautiful fall day. For others, it might be something entirely different or it may never happen. Though I’d seen death of every imaginable type, I wasn’t prepared for that wreck. You might ask why it was different and I’ll try to explain here. That day, in the back seat of a destroyed minivan, I looked into the dying eyes of a little boy. In that split second I made a subconscious connection with him that few people have ever had with a person. At that moment, I couldn’t move; I wanted to call a time-out and hug him, tell him everything would be alright. But I knew better; I had work to do. Outside of the van, with his mother praying next us and police officers surrounding us holding up sheets so passer-bys couldn’t see this boy at his worst, my crew and I worked our best, all while secretly knowing our efforts might be in vain.


Despite the doctors’, nurses’, and our best efforts, several hours later in a hospital bed, that little boy died. The wreck had killed him.


You know what? In some ways that wreck killed me as well.


I didn’t consciously say I never wanted to be a paramedic again, it wasn’t like that, but the joy of my job was gone.


So that was my call, the call that ruined me as a paramedic. It took me awhile to understand that I’d passed my expiration date like my older cousin had so many years before but I eventually realized I wasn’t the same paramedic that I once was. Don’t get me wrong, my skills are fine, heck a lot of them I could do in my sleep, but my zeal—my love of the work—is gone.


It turns out my expiration date was September, 2007 and like any medication past its expiration date, I can still do the job but I’m not as strong as I once was.


Thanks for listening. I promise my next fire department blog will be lighter.

Working in the Inner City

Regular followers of this blog probably already know that I am a lieutenant for a large central Ohio fire department and I have been working mostly in the inner city for the last year. For firefighters, working in the inner city also means living in the inner city for 24 hours out of every 72. It is almost like a second home. We sleep there, eat there, and take emergency calls there.


On nice days we leave our bay doors open and a lot of times we sit out on the ramp (we call it ramping), but it is basically just a way for us to be a part of the neighborhood. Doing this makes us approachable for people needing help or people simply wanting to chat. With this blog I wanted to give you a little glimpse into working in that kind of an area. Let me preface this by saying there is a lot of good that happens around there, but this blog will mostly focus on the bad. Hey, I'm trying to paint a specific picture here. Here are just a few of the interesting things that you may not have imagined could happen.


Sometimes the neighborhood is very noisy and very violent. If you have ever heard of the gang the Bloods, then you'll understand how violent when I say there is Blood turf only a few blocks away from our station.


Nightly, police helicopters fly overhead so often that we don't even bother looking up at them anymore. They are just there, like airplanes for someone living near an airport. At least once a month I am approached at my vehicle as I am either getting ready to leave work or getting ready to start my shift. The person who approaches me usually asks for money. Typically, the story is that the person is out of gas and needs a few bucks to get to wherever they need to go, but sometimes the story is a little more clever.


On a typical New Year's Eve, the gunfire at midnight sounds literally like a war zone. Celebratory automatic gunfire explodes from around the station and continues for quite some time. If you're quiet enough you can hear some of the bullets land on the roof as they make their way back to earth. You know, gravity and all. The other medics tell me they have responded to calls where bullets have come back down and struck people in the tops of the heads or shoulders, though I haven't been on any of those calls yet.


Our parking lot is surrounded by an 8 or 10 foot chain-link fence topped with barbwire that we lock every night. Even doing that, there has been times where the fence has been cut and firefighters with full tanks of gas on the night before find themselves stopping at the gas station on the way home.


With that said, let's get to last night. I was on the engine. My driver was another medic and is a friend of mine. Here's a quick side note about him: During his first week on company out of the academy (13 or so years ago), he responded to a fire. As he knelt on the front porch to put on the facepiece of his SCBA (Self-contained breathing apparatus or air tank) he heard a loud pop and felt pain in his knee. He knew right away what had happened and he shouted, "I've been shot." Turns out he was right. The fire had heated ammunition within the house to the point that it went off and my friend successfully tried to catch one of the bullets with his knee. Yeah, ouch. Not a great way to start a career.


Anyway, back to last night. As a couple of us walked into the apparatus bay for who knows what reason, we heard multiple distinct, rapid-fire gunshots somewhere right outside the station. We immediately shut the bay doors and waited for the police and what was sure to be a run. Within a minute, our tones went off and we were dispatched to a street one block west of the station on an auto accident. Before we reached the truck, the dispatcher called on the phone and told us not to respond until the police arrived on the scene because the accident was from a shooting. We waited about 30 seconds until the police had everything secured and then we hurried to the scene. Because of the nature of my job and the sensitivity over talking about details, whether those details concern an on-going investigation or HIPPA laws for patients, I'm not going to get into what we found. I will say that we did find a person who had been shot and we did what we do to help him. The last I heard, he was in stable condition at the ER.


Here is the news report if you want to know more along with some video of the aftermath.


So, that was the start of my night. The amazing thing about that call is that it isn't something entirely unusual. I've only been spending most of my shifts at this station for a year now, but the other firefighters tell me this kind of thing happens quite often. The night didn't get much better, although none of the other calls were much worth mentioning here. Let's just say we were busy. In 24 hours, Engine 15 responded to 18 calls. That's busy.

Death Alarm

For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated by horror stories. In fact, the first fiction I had ever written was a horror story when I was a preteen. I wrote about my terrible first tale here.

Anyway, over the last few years while writing my various novels for Rhemalda Publishing, I wrote a few horror short stories. If I suddenly had an inspired idea I'd literally stop everything else and write that story. A lot of times that story would be horror. I decided it might be fun to put out three of those stories in a collection on Amazon.

When I heard about Amazon's Kindle Select program where they allow Kindle books to be given away for free for a limited time, I knew I needed to do this. So, starting today (Wednesday, March 7, 2012) through tomorrow (Thursday, March 8, 2012) I will be giving away my horror collection for free.

If you have a Kindle or a tablet like an Ipad (simply download the Kindle app to your device) you can grab my collection for free. If for no other reason, check it out for Steve Murphy's amazing cover. And if you miss this deal, the good news is that the collection is still available for less than 3 bucks. Can you say, "such a deal?"

So, download Death Alarm, give it a read, and if you like what I've written please review my collection on Amazon. To make it even easier, I have provided a link. Also, do me a huge favor and share this deal with your friends and social media. I hope to give away a ton of books.

Here is the cover copy for Death Alarm:

From the author of Tamed and The Light of Epertase trilogy come Douglas R. Brown's twisted tales of the macabre. In this three-story collection, Douglas explores the devastating depths of mental illness, the evil that burns within men who kill, and angels who aren't always what they seem.

In the title story, Death Alarm, Douglas uses his real-life experiences as a career firefighter to explore the consequences when those who go to the rescue become those most at risk. When pure evil battles the noblest of professions, the blood will flow like water from the very hydrants that firemen use every day.

Following the title story is a psychological tale entitled Janitor. Working the nightshift in a run-down factory, Jeb quickly realizes he may not be alone. What does the man dressed in black want with him? And can Jeb keep his sanity long enough to find out?

Closing out the collection is a brutal story titled Skelwaller Lane where sometimes even the most horrible behavior can be justified if only you listen to how the true story begins.

In addition, Douglas, by way of Rhemalda Publishing, has included an exclusive 2-chapter preview of his newest break-through novel, Tamed, where werewolves are sold as pets. Recently called, "the Jurassic Park of werewolf stories," Douglas is excited to give you a peek with this free preview.

In the Death Alarm short stories, Douglas grabs you by your arms.

And then he chops them off. Sensitive stomachs need not continue.

Enjoy.

Pranks (Turning harmless pictures into something more)

When I work at fire station 15, one particular guy likes to dig at me as much as he

can. It's OK because I dig back just as much. Well, he rides a bright red Vespa to work and it is quite the sight seeing him in his uniform driving through the hood at seven in the morning.

One day, he was hacking on me quite a bit and so I hit back. I asked him if he had a bumper sticker that read "my other ride is a Moped." Our playful bickering lasted a few more minutes before me and a couple of guys decided it would be comical to take a picture riding his Vespa. This is how it turned out. That's my friends, Matt and Brian.

Now, here is the problem with being a firefighter. Just because those two guys were on my side at that moment doesn't mean it lasts forever. Or even 5 minutes. Usually, allies on the fire department become enemies in a matter of seconds. (Not really enemies, but you understand what I mean.) A few weeks passed and I was talking with The Light of Epertase cover artist, Steve Murphy, and I showed him the picture I had on my phone of the two guys on the Vespa. He asked me to send it to him. Here is what he came up with. Imagine this pic posted around the fire house next time I work at 15's. (Not that I would ever do such a thing.) Enjoy.

Yeah, I think it's pretty funny too. I guess if I'm going to show this picture of my friends, I should show you something embarrassing about myself as well, huh? BTW, remind me to never dig at Steve because he has plenty of pics that he could beat me up with. I can't believe I'm showing you this. Here was Steve's last joke on me. Oh, jeez. Notice the mullet and the twinkle in my eyes. Yeah, I'm going to have to get him back, that's for sure.

So, did you have a good laugh?

The Light of Epertase; A Kingdom's Fall cover

Today, I am unveiling the cover for the second book in the The Light of Epertase trilogy. The phenomenal Steve Murphy has followed up his gorgeous work on The Light of Epertase, Book One; Legends Reborn with this beautiful cover for book two. What do you think? I know I am in love. (With the cover, not Steve. Although Steve is a swell guy.)

Also, here is the working cover copy.

That which survives the initial assault may yet die from the infection left behind.

In the destroyed country of Lithia, the former Gildonese leader of the Lowlands, King Fice, has violently assumed the throne, filling the void left by the Tek destruction of the country. His unnatural powers of sway have become more potent and his influence, far reaching.

The Tek invasion has also left a void within the kingdom of Epertase. The war has tested the once great people and, with the venomous words of men Queen Alina considers friends, Epertase descends into revolution. Alina barely escapes with her life.

The kingdom needs a savior. And once again Rasi will be forced to unleash the man he hates in order to save the woman he loves.

All is not what it seems. Victory may still mean defeat. The war for Epertase has only begun.

5AM

This is a very difficult blog for me to write and probably hard for a lot of people to read so this is your fair warning. You can turn back now, it's not too late.

I'm a firefighter/paramedic and I began writing five years ago as a way to deal with a terrible emergency call. Read my previous post about that call here. The reason for writing this blog today is no different.

On the Saturday before Christmas last December, I was working at Fire Station 15 in Columbus, Ohio. I had been asleep for a couple of hours when the fire tones startled me awake at around 5AM. Within seconds I had my bunker pants on and was climbing into the ladder truck. Before I was in the truck, the fire tones sounded again, which wasn't a typical occurrence. The dispatcher reported that the police were already on the scene and had confirmed a working fire, explaining the quick second tone.

I knew from the address and the time of night that Ladder15 would likely be the first ladder on the scene and that my job (among other jobs) would be to search whatever was on fire for victims who might be trapped.

Remember, I'm still trying to get my bearings after going from a deep sleep (actually firefighters never sleep soundly at the fire house, but you get the jest) to full adrenaline rush within an instant. Ever wonder why firefighters routinely die of heart attacks within a few hours of fire calls? Or shortly after retirement? Well, that stress on a person's heart is part of the reason. There's another reason, and I'm getting to that now.

Before we pulled out of the station, our dispatcher announced that two children were still in the burning apartment (probably confirmed by the police on the scene). I get chills just writing that line and not the good kind of chills either. So now, as I was getting my gear on, slinging my air tank onto my back, and strapping my TIC (Thermal Imaging Camera) to my coat, I was also game-planning how my crew and I were going to get to those kids.

Every second seemed like forever and the ladder couldn't move fast enough. Engine 4 marked on the scene and further confirmed every firefighters' biggest fear: yes, there were kids inside. Before we turned onto the street of the fire, we saw the bright orange glow above the surrounding apartment buildings. We turned onto the court where the unit on fire sat. Flames were blowing from every upstairs window.

I mentally sized up the structure in hopes of finding a possible way for my crew and I to get to where the kids would most likely be found at that time of night (upstairs). A part of me knew no one could survive in those conditions, but another part hoped beyond hope that the kids had made it downstairs and could still be rescued.

As we jumped from the ladder and started toward the inferno, our chief called me to the command post. He told me to get onto the roof of the attached unit and get a ventilation hole cut. I can't remember the exact timing, but I believe it was around this same time that Engine 4 knocked down the fire a bit and reported two fatalities inside. A fire that had gotten that intense and large before the first fire truck even arrived meant conditions inside weren't likely to be survivable.

My crew and I slung ladders to the roof, gathered chainsaws and other tools, and did what we were told to do. My heart hurt while we cut that hole, but we had a job to do. Even as I worked, I knew my crew, along with every firefighter on the scene, had just been kicked in the gut. We put out the fire like we always do, but this fire was something more--something far worse--than the others. The remainder of our job (as Ladder 15) after ventilating the roof consisted of various tasks that forced us to work where the two children lay.

I'm not going to go into details here, I see no reason, but I will say that such a horrible morning changes a person. I deal with these things better nowadays as I gain years and experience, but nothing prepares a person for what I saw. I live with those memories and the thought of what could have been if the fire was only discovered a few minutes sooner and we were called in time. Damnit, we would have found those kids, I know it. You wanna know why I'm so confident? Because Columbus firefighters, like firefighters around the world, are very skilled and dedicated to walking through literal Hell in order to find you and your family if you need us. We do it often and sometimes we win. Other times, like that Saturday morning, we lose, and that loss takes something from all of us. Fire is a merciless, unforgiving beast. Those kids didn't stand a chance and my heart is still heavy for them. I'll never forget what I saw that day but I will work as hard as I can to not have to see it again. Unfortunately, as was the case that morning, it isn't always up to me.



Update: This report was on local news today following up on this story.

Barnes and Noble's Launch of Tamed

Last weekend I had my book launch for Tamed at Barnes and Noble. Here are some final numbers. (Remember, this was a launch party and not just a signing so I sold a lot more books than at a typical signing.) Barnes and Noble had 60 copies of Tamed and 30 copies of Epertase. Out of those 60 copies of Tamed I sold 57 and 11 copies of Epertase. This is the perfect example of what marketers call your front end selling your back end. Thank you to everyone who made it and to everyone who has supported me. This is my familamidy.

This is a bottle of Wine that my aunt brought in celebration.

Book Buyers

More book buyers

NBC4 and Tamed

As many of you have probably seen, either on TV or from the internet, I had the opportunity to be interviewed on Columbus, Ohio's number 1 weekend morning show last weekend for my book Tamed. I thought it would be fun to talk about the experience here on my blog. I have to admit that I was fairly nervous in the days leading up to the interview as I have never been much of a public speaker. It isn't that I don't have the confidence as much as that I sometimes have trouble controlling my body's reaction in such situations. I don't mean I curl up into a ball on the floor or anything, just that sometimes my face gets red, or I get a little winded, or I can't get my thoughts out like I had hoped. So, it was that knowledge that gave me the most anxiety leading up to the day of the interview. On Saturday morning I climbed out of bed at 5:15 AM. I got a short workout in, hoping to burn some nervous energy. After my workout and a shower, I made some scrambled eggs while my wife did whatever women do to get ready. We arrived at NBC's studio at 7:45 AM. The first thing that struck me was how empty and quiet the studio appeared from the outside. A producer let us in and led us through the station to the studio. Anchor Marshall McPeek was already there, waiting to go on and Mindy Drayer, his morning co-host, hadn't yet arrived. My wife and I introduced ourselves and talked with Mr. McPeek for a few minutes. The calm demeanor of the small staff helped me to relax a bit. When I say small staff, I mean 5, 6 people tops running the whole operation. I was surprised to find no camera men as Mr. McPeek explained that they had been replaced a few years ago by robotic cameras ran by a single man from a control desk. Mindy Drayer arrived a few minutes before air time and we spoke briefly before she went on. My wife and I watched the show from just off camera while we waited. During the commercial before my segment, I went to my seat and attached the mic to my shirt. I was surprised that I didn't feel as overly nervous as I had expected and can only attribute my calmness to the relaxing atmosphere, the friendliness of everyone there, and my wife supporting me from a few feet away.

Mindy sat in the chair next to me and we chatted until they returned from the commercial. Mindy is a pro and a skilled interviewer in every sense of the word. She made me feel comfortable from the get-go, asked great questions, and steered me in the right direction so I wouldn't ramble. I felt she was the perfect person for my first TV interview. Even though there were cameras and bright lights shining on me (glistening off of my balding head, I might add) I forgot they were even there within seconds. I found myself engaged in my conversation with Mindy which further points to her talent as an interviewer. The first thing I did when the segment was over and the cameras were off (after thanking Mindy, of course) was look to my wife for some sense of how I did. She held up two thumbs and mouthed "perfect" which removed the weight from my shoulders. As we prepared to leave, Mindy called over from her news desk and said she had just received a message from someone who said they bought my book before the interview was even over. That made me feel pretty good. My wife and I said good-bye and headed for home. My publisher and I kept our eyes on my Amazon rankings for the rest of the day. My kindle ranking hit 5,324 which is by far the lowest I have ever ranked. And that's with the book's official release not being until Thursday. Rhemalda let me know that Tamed was doing pretty good for the Nook as well, but the rankings weren't showing up for some reason. (Rhemalda can tell exact numbers of ebooks sold as they happen.) All in all I would say this experience was near the top of many exciting experiences I have had since Rhemalda decided to give my books a chance. My cousin always tells me that doing things that make you uncomfortable helps a person grow. I remind myself of that each time I am doing something that makes me uncomfortable which is part of what keeps me going. And you know what? My cousin is right. My mother was baby-sitting my six-year-old son at the time and she said that when my interview started, he went over and kissed the TV. How sweet is that? So, thanks again NBC4 and especially Mindy Drayer for giving me such a wonderful opportunity. I had a blast. Now go and watch the video and see if you can find the one instance that I felt I wasn't able to hide my nerves very well. It's subtle. I know you will probably find about twenty. And don't point to the entire interview either. That's just not fair. ;) Amazon

Add One Book and Subtract Two Teeth and You Get One Happy Kid

Here I was working at the firehouse while my wife and son were at home spending a nice Saturday afternoon together. My son's two front teeth had been loose for a few days and one of them had come out while he was sleeping the night before. He was so excited that he ran into our room at five in the morning to let us know. He said, and I quote, "Dad, my tooth came out while I was sleeping. I felt it in my bed and thought it was a hard booger. But it was my tooth." So, back to my afternoon at the firehouse. After returning from a working fire, I received the following texts from my wife. "All gone daddy!! One minute later ... "It's here." And this is the picture she sent me. This was the first time I had seen my new book, Tamed, as a finished product (along with my son without teeth).

That's how two missing teeth plus one new book equals one happy kid.