Epertase

Barnes and Noble's Launch of Tamed

2012-01-30T17:56:00.003-05:00

Last weekend I had my book launch for Tamed at Barnes and Noble. Here are some final numbers. (Remember, this was a launch party and not just a signing so I sold a lot more books than at a typical signing.) Barnes and Noble had 60 copies of Tamed and 30 copies of Epertase. Out of those 60 copies of Tamed I sold 57 and 11 copies of Epertase. This is the perfect example of what marketers call your front end selling your back end. Thank you to everyone who made it and to everyone who has supported me.This is my familamidy.

This is a bottle of Wine that my aunt brought in celebration.

Book Buyers

More book buyers

NBC4 and Tamed

2012-01-23T09:56:00.000-05:00

As many of you have probably seen, either on TV or from the internet, I had the opportunity to be interviewed on Columbus, Ohio's number 1 weekend morning show last weekend for my book Tamed. I thought it would be fun to talk about the experience here on my blog.I have to admit that I was fairly nervous in the days leading up to the interview as I have never been much of a public speaker. It isn't that I don't have the confidence as much as that I sometimes have trouble controlling my body's reaction in such situations. I don't mean I curl up into a ball on the floor or anything, just that sometimes my face gets red, or I get a little winded, or I can't get my thoughts out like I had hoped. So, it was that knowledge that gave me the most anxiety leading up to the day of the interview.On Saturday morning I climbed out of bed at 5:15 AM. I got a short workout in, hoping to burn some nervous energy. After my workout and a shower, I made some scrambled eggs while my wife did whatever women do to get ready.We arrived at NBC's studio at 7:45 AM. The first thing that struck me was how empty and quiet the studio appeared from the outside. A producer let us in and led us through the station to the studio. Anchor Marshall McPeek was already there, waiting to go on and Mindy Drayer, his morning co-host, hadn't yet arrived. My wife and I introduced ourselves and talked with Mr. McPeek for a few minutes. The calm demeanor of the small staff helped me to relax a bit. When I say small staff, I mean 5, 6 people tops running the whole operation. I was surprised to find no camera men as Mr. McPeek explained that they had been replaced a few years ago by robotic cameras ran by a single man from a control desk. Mindy Drayer arrived a few minutes before air time and we spoke briefly before she went on. My wife and I watched the show from just off camera while we waited. During the commercial before my segment, I went to my seat and attached the mic to my shirt.I was surprised that I didn't feel as overly nervous as I had expected and can only attribute my calmness to the relaxing atmosphere, the friendliness of everyone there, and my wife supporting me from a few feet away.

Mindy sat in the chair next to me and we chatted until they returned from the commercial. Mindy is a pro and a skilled interviewer in every sense of the word. She made me feel comfortable from the get-go, asked great questions, and steered me in the right direction so I wouldn't ramble. I felt she was the perfect person for my first TV interview. Even though there were cameras and bright lights shining on me (glistening off of my balding head, I might add) I forgot they were even there within seconds. I found myself engaged in my conversation with Mindy which further points to her talent as an interviewer.The first thing I did when the segment was over and the cameras were off (after thanking Mindy, of course) was look to my wife for some sense of how I did. She held up two thumbs and mouthed "perfect" which removed the weight from my shoulders.As we prepared to leave, Mindy called over from her news desk and said she had just received a message from someone who said they bought my book before the interview was even over. That made me feel pretty good. My wife and I said good-bye and headed for home.My publisher and I kept our eyes on my Amazon rankings for the rest of the day. My kindle ranking hit 5,324 which is by far the lowest I have ever ranked. And that's with the book's official release not being until Thursday. Rhemalda let me know that Tamed was doing pretty good for the Nook as well, but the rankings weren't showing up for some reason. (Rhemalda can tell exact numbers of ebooks sold as they happen.)All in all I would say this experience was near the top of many exciting experiences I have had since Rhemalda decided to give my books a chance. My cousin always tells me that doing things that make you uncomfortable helps a person grow. I remind myself of that each time I am doing something that makes me uncomfortable which is part of what keeps me going.And you know what? My cousin is right.My mother was baby-sitting my six-year-old son at the time and she said that when my interview started, he went over and kissed the TV. How sweet is that?So, thanks again NBC4 and especially Mindy Drayer for giving me such a wonderful opportunity. I had a blast.Now go and watch the video and see if you can find the one instance that I felt I wasn't able to hide my nerves very well. It's subtle. I know you will probably find about twenty. And don't point to the entire interview either. That's just not fair. ;)Amazon

Add One Book and Subtract Two Teeth and You Get One Happy Kid

2012-01-08T10:03:00.000-05:00

Here I was working at the firehouse while my wife and son were at home spending a nice Saturday afternoon together. My son's two front teeth had been loose for a few days and one of them had come out while he was sleeping the night before. He was so excited that he ran into our room at five in the morning to let us know.He said, and I quote, "Dad, my tooth came out while I was sleeping. I felt it in my bed and thought it was a hard booger. But it was my tooth."So, back to my afternoon at the firehouse. After returning from a working fire, I received the following texts from my wife."All gone daddy!!One minute later ..."It's here."And this is the picture she sent me. This was the first time I had seen my new book, Tamed, as a finished product (along with my son without teeth).

That's how two missing teeth plus one new book equals one happy kid.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T17:11:00.003-05:00

Tamed

2011-12-22T19:31:00.004-05:00

I am happy to announce that my werewolf book, Tamed, is now available for preorder. Following is the cover copy (short synopsis that appears on the back of the book for those who didn't know). I'd love to hear what you think of the premise and I'd love it even more if you gave the book a try. Tamed releases Jan. 26, 2012. It will also be available as an ebook for your nook or kindle.

Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Rhemalda

Werewolves are real.

And they make excellent pets.

Owning one of the legendary creatures is the latest fad. The WereHouse insists their werepets are loyal, docile, and 100% safe, but what happens when these gentle giants turn on their masters?

While on a routine EMS call, paramedic Christine Alt is attacked by a rogue werepet. She escapes with her life, but the encounter leaves her with more than just scars. As her body begins to change, she discovers the WereHouse is hiding a terrible secret, and they will stop at nothing to keep her from exposing them.

Tamed is a werewolf tale with a twist from the author of the The Light of Epertase trilogy.

J.S. Chancellor

2011-12-19T10:00:00.003-05:00

Today my good friend J.S. Chancellor is hosting a Twitterfeed where she will be answering any questions you may have about her or her newest phenom of a book, Icarus. Use #icarus to join in on the fun. Just follow @Rhemalda or @jschancellor and ask away. Let's go join her and give her some love. She is a wonderful and talented writer.

Icarus is a vampire book that you must read. If the following description doesn't grab you, I don't know what will.

Book Description:
“Don’t get me wrong; immortality does have its perks. Take dieting for example—kind of hard to do when you’ve only got two choices: fresh blood and slightly less fresh blood. The media makes it all out to be glamorous. Romantic, even. But the books, movies and witty television shows have it wrong. Especially the ones that make a big to-do about not being wrong (you know, the ones that spell vampire Vampyr, like it’s original).

And don’t think for a second that I was turned in some amazing, soul-binding, body-meshing way either. I don’t think my libido is damaged enough to forget that kind of rendezvous. Though, to be honest, I don’t recall anything about it. As soon as you’re turned, as soon as anyone is turned, the powers that be rush in like witness protection agents and whisk you off, never to see your family or friends again. Your life changes in ways you never imagined that it could.

Like the fact that I was kidnapped last night. Totally didn’t see that coming. Not being the Covenant-level assassin that I am (did I mention that already? I didn’t get much of a choice in that either—the profession I mean). Oh, and get this … the creeps who grabbed me claim that my mentor/should-have-kept-it-professional boyfriend Trinity is the vampire equivalent to the anti-Christ.

Nice. And to think it’s only Tuesday.

But wait, it gets better. See, there is one fact about vampirism that everyone gets correct—our bodies can’t biologically process natural light. Past that, all I know is that if I don’t partake of my usual dose of Icarus every seven days (provided via injection by the powers that be), I’ll lose my existence as I know it. It allows me to bask in the sunlight, keeps us from exploding into flames and I’ve heard rumors that it’s what makes us immortal. You know, little things.

Now, since Head Creep removed the dosing disc from my arm, whether I had anything to do with it or not, I’m guilty of betraying High Coven. This fact not only sucks (pun intended), it means I’ve been condemned to death.

An assassin … condemned to death. Seems like kind of shitty deal if you ask me.

I don’t care that Head Creep is hot enough that he gives Christian Bale a run for his money. He claims that Icarus is part of some massive conspiracy, that vampires are a perverse mutation of beings from another universe, and that Trinity (along with some dark army he’s supposedly in charge of) plans to exterminate the human race. Of course, he says this will occur in less than a week. And damn, wouldn’t you know he’d kidnap me on day six of my dose?”

You can purchase Icarus at all online bookstores or get it for the cheapest price here at Rhemalda.

Also, check out this wickedly awesome trailer.

So come on over and join J.S. on twitter. You'll be glad you did.

Interviewing You Answers pt. Two

2011-12-15T09:11:00.002-05:00

Thanks to everyone for participating in my Interviewing You blog. For those who didn't see my original blog, I asked a series of questions and let you, the reader, give me the answers. Here are your final answers. Enjoy.

7.) What is your favorite movie?
Debra A. Kemp- The House of Pendragon: The Firebrand
- I have two that hold equal place in my affections: Camelot because it got me started writing (see above about the command) and Doctor Zhivago for its utterly beautiful cinematography.
Scott Poe - Book reviewer
Transformers 1 as it is the first movie I watched with my wife.
M. Edward McNally- The Sable City
The Fisher King
Betty - Groundhog Day
Robert Chazz- Author Self-help for Stoners, Stuff to Read When You're High (though you don't have to be high, it just makes you a better audience.)
Tough one: a tie between Lawrence of Arabia and Fight Club.
Candace Bowen Early- Spur of the Moment. Available through Rhemalda 2.1.12. Squee!
Hands down, Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley.
Rossandra White- Blade Runner.
Roy Mauritsen - Jaws.
Rachel Summerhill - Writer
Probably one of the Lord of the Rings films.
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- There Will Be Blood (formerly Apocalypse Now).
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- Author
Santa Sangre
Walter Rhein- Author of The Bone Sword and Beyond Birkie Fever
The animated version of the guy's answer for question 2. (Here was Walter's answer for #2- The guy who answered question one with the response: Sexual Reassignment Surgery at Home for Dummies.)
Shay Fabbro- Author of The Chosen
I would have to say a toss-up between The Dark Crystal and Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Michael Young - Author of The Last Archangel
My recent favorite has been the mind-bendingness of Inception.
Franz McLaren- Author
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Douglas Brown- Author of Tamed, The Light of Epertase
Original Star Wars Trilogy, Braveheart, LOTR, Saving Private Ryan I know that is more than one, but this is my blog so na-na-na-na.
Emmaline (Rhemalda Publishing)- Pride and Prejudice
Thorgil Ragnarrson- Author of Thorgil Bloodaxe
13th Warrior
My mom- Phantom of the Opera
Cas Peace- Author of King's Envoy
I don’t see many movies but I loved the Star Wars films and also The Lord of the Rings (I know – same old, same old – sorry!)
Bobbe Ecleberry- (Editor)- The Sound of Music

8.)What is your favorite band?
Debra A. Kemp- Rush, is there any other band?
Scott Poe- I honestly haven't been listening to much music lately, I'll just call out RadioU since they play a lot of good stuff.
M. Edward McNally- The Pogues
Betty- Rubber bands are fun. Head bands look nice. Wedding bands are...
Robert Chazz- Another tough one: Dire Straits for consistent excellence; Eagles just for Hotel California.
Candace Bowen Early- Avalon Landing
Rossandra White- Right now, Bon Iver.
Roy Mauritsen - Yes; with honorable mention to Sigur Ros & Afro-Celt Rachel Summerhill- As I think The Wall is the best rock album, probably Pink Floyd, though I also like Black Sabbath and Alice in Chains. (BTW, Rachel, The Wall is my absolute favorite Album of all time. I saw Roger Waters perform it a few months ago and I'm going again in June. Great show.- Doug)
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- The Sword (contemporary), and Led Zeppelin (classic).
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- Black Sabbath
Walter Rhein- The elastic one currently holding up my underwear and giving me a gentle hug.
Shay Fabbro- Oh hell... this would be a toss-up between Poison and Def Leppard. "is my 80's showing?"
Michael Young - Probably Coldplay, though that’s only for bands. I have many other musical groups who are not bands that I would put before them like The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, the King’s Singers, and The 5 Browns.
Franz McLaren- It's a tossup between rubber or wedding.
Douglas R. Brown- Nine Inch Nails
Emmaline (Rhemalda)- Aerosmith
Thorgil Ragnarrson- CCR
My Mother- The Beatles.
Cas Peace- Has to be the folk band Fairport Convention; although members have come and gone, they’ve provided the music of my life so far.
Bobbe Ecleberry- The Beatles

9.)Authors- What do you think works best when promoting your product? Readers- What type of promotions gets you to buy a product?
Debra A. Kemp- Still trying to figure out that mystery.
Scott Poe- Great cover art accompanied by a strong blurb.
M. Edward McNally- Review bloggers who love it.
Betty- Still out on that one.
Robert Chazz- Engagement I guess. I started a podcast with the same name as one of my books and I'm full of arrogant, stupid hope.
Candace Bowen Early- Internet utilities like Facebook and goodreads. Rossandra White- Author--I wish I knew.
Roy Mauritsen - Authors- hard to say, but my book is being promoted with convention appearances, a lot of concept art, also a CD of songs... oh, and I'm making another book trailer.
Rachel Summerhill- As a reader I like things that sound interesting and visually catch my short attention span, so that’s something I should think of employing as a writer.
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- First and foremost, write good stories, and then provide a well designed, well promoted, regularly updated, entertaining, and well trafficked blog, with a linked Facebook presence, of course.
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- Intrigue, humour and originality work better than shrillness, hackneyed blurb phrases and being on message non-stop.
Walter Rhein- Having your books listed in any standard dictionary under "Awesome."
Shay Fabbro- Throwing in something catchy that makes people want to click on the link.
Michael Young - Networking. Letting others spread your message for you while you help spread their message. Get out on the Internet and meet people.
Franz McLaren- Social networking, without trying to sell. It seems that most interest in my books has been generated when I meet people on line and just chat with them. Of course I do tend to share my big writing events with them but only as a "hey this is great news" kind of thing.
Douglas R. Brown- Writers- Developing personal connections by putting yourself out there. I don't mean shoving your work down someone's throat, but meeting people whether in social media or at book signings and letting them decide to check out your work on their own.
Emmaline (Rhemalda)- Authors- What do you think works best when promoting your product? Word of mouth, telling everyone you can about your book. Carrying business cards and goodreads lists and discussions. Readers- What type of promotions get you to try a product? The best way to get me to buy something is for a friend to recommend it.
Thorgil Ragnarrson- Word of mouth with a solid fan-base
My Mother- Cute & colorful
Cas Peace- I think connecting personally with readers and encouraging word of mouth promotion works best, both for creating fans and for gaining new readers.
Bobbe Ecleberry- Freebies

10.)If you had a million dollars, what would you do first?
Debra A. Kemp- Go to England for as long as possible and research!
Scott Poe- Pay off mine and my families houses.
M. Edward McNally- Pay down some debt.
Betty- Hide... there are relatives you know.
Robert Chazz- Get better locks, change the phone number and prepare for the onslaught of "friends" and "family."
Candace Bowen Early- Take my extended family on a trip.
Rossandra White- I'd rent a villa in Italy and invite my entire family, including extended and all my friends for a month then I'd buy HarperCollins.
Roy Mauritsen - Travel, there's a lot of new places to experience. Rachel Summerhill- Probably give some away.
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- (Re)Marry my wife in a certain Gothic church of which we've claimed ownership, with a select list of guests, then travel the world for a few months on a belated honeymoon, with a couple of blank notebooks in my pack.
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- Put enough in a bank that I could buy myself out of all the trouble I was about to get myself into spending the rest...
Walter Rhein- Buy 4 million twenty-five cent gumballs (they don't have the one cent gumballs anymore do they?).
Shay Fabbro- Nuild a castle complete with trebuchet and moat.
Michael Young - Build an awesome house with the ultimate writing room.
Franz McLaren- Retire and only write for a living.
Douglas R. Brown- I'd give a lot of it away. I'd also promote my books and my publisher. A lot of best sellers are only best sellers because of the amount of money behind them.
Emmaline (Rhemalda)- I would increase the number of books that Rhemalda publishes each year and launch a huge marketing and publicity campaign for all of the Rhemalda titles.
Thorgil Ragnarrson- pay off the mortgage on my house.
My Mother- Give, Give & Give more
Cas Peace- Faint.
Bobbe Ecleberry- Send in resignation letter to husband's company, then payoff some family members' debts -- student loans, mortgages, etc.

11.) Firefighters or police officers? (Remember, I'm a firefighter before you answer.)
Debra A. Kemp- Both are heroes to me. God bless both!
Scott Poe- Firefighters.
M. Edward McNally- Depends on if my car is on fire, or has been stolen.
Betty- who can resist a smoky firefighter.
Robert Chazz- Firefighters. The cops are after me.
Candace Bowen Early- That's tough because I respect both, but I would say firefighters. In my opinion, it takes someone special to enter a burning building when the first instinct must be to leave it.
Rossandra White- Firefighters, seriously, cops can have attitude sometimes, firefighters, never.
Roy Mauritsen - It takes a lot of guts and I respect both, but fire fighters have something extra in them.
Rachel Summerhill- If my house is burning, firefighter. If I’m being robbed, cop.
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- Firefighters, and they're always on the scene to save, not hassle the citizenry about a bunch of nonsense.
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- Librarians.
Walter Rhein- Do you have enough pressure in your hose to knock my handcuffs off?
Shay Fabbro- Firefighters (and I didn't only say that because you're one).
Michael Young - Firefighters. I grew up with this weird phobia of the house burning down, so they have always been high on my list.
Franz McLaren- Firefighters (unless I'm being robbed).
Douglas R. Brown- Police... Just kidding. Firefighters rule.
Emmaline (Rhemalda)- Anyone willing to risk their life to save me, my children or loved ones.
Thorgil Ragnarrson- Police Officer; I am a retired Correction Officer with 20 plus years.
My Mother- Firefighters
Cas Peace- Oh, firefighters, definitely, every single time… ever see a policeman rescue a cat stuck up a tree?
Bobbe Ecleberry- Firefighters

Visit the sites of everyone who contributed to this interview. Show them some love. Great job, everyone. Thank you.
Debra A. Kemp- Author of The House of Pendragon: The Firebrand
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=723233203
http://amberquill.com/Firebrand.html
www.myspace.com/debrakemp
http://debrakemp.blogspot.com/
Scott Poe- Book reviewer Http://indiebookblogger.blogspot.com
M. Edward McNally- Author of The Sable City
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004PLNNLS
http://sablecity.wordpress.com/
Betty - Author and blogger
http://bettysbloggingplace.blogspot.com/
Robert Chazz- Author Self-help for Stoners, Stuff to Read When You're High (though you don't have to be high, it just makes you a better.)
allthatchazz.com
Candace Bowen Early- Spur of the Moment
www.knightseries.com
Rossandra White- Monkey's Wedding (YA paranormal--not yet published)
http://www.facebook.com/rossandra.white
Roy Mauritsen - my novel, a fairy tale epic fantasy adventure titled Shards Of The Glass Slipper: Queen Cinder will be published 1st quarter 2012.
http://www.shardsoftheglassslipper.com
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- a horror/sci-fi/dark fantasy/weird fiction author, with dreams of finally finishing my high fantasy novel one of these moons.
I'd like to promote my work in general, which can be read in about a half dozen currently or soon-to-be-released anthologies, which are detailed in various stages of coherence on my blog, The Cosmicomicon (http://cosmicomicon.blogspot.com/ ), and my upcoming collection of horror/sci-fi/dark fantasy short stories, which will be released in late 2012 by a major (and still unnamed for a few more weeks) publisher of Mythos and speculative fiction and RPGs.
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy
http://pratilipi.in/2011/11/empty-dreams-jayaprakash-satyamurthy/
http://aaahfooey.blogspot.com
Walter Rhein-
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Birkie-Fever-Walter-Rhein/dp/1936850028/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314120830&sr=8-1
Shay Fabbro- Author of The Chosen
http://www.amazon.com/Chosen-Book-One-Portals-Destiny/dp/0983223211/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323126101&sr=1-1
Michael Young- Author of The Last Archangel
http://bit.ly/lGQZ4S
Twitter @mdybyu
Franz McLaren- Author
franzmclaren.com
Douglas Brown- Author of Tamed, The Light of Epertase
www.epertase.com
Amazon
Emmaline- Rhemalda Publishing
www.rhemalda.com
Thorgil Ragnarrson- Author/Creator of Thorgil Bloodaxe
http://myfreecopyright.com/registered_mc...
http://www.facebook.com/Thorgil.Bloodaxe
http://www.myspace.com/thorgil_bloodaxe
My mother- Mother
I'll just promote my son www.epertase.com
Cas Peace- Author of King's Envoy
www.caspeace.com
www.rhemalda.com
http://rhemalda.com/authors/p/cas-peace-2/
http://rhemalda.com/2011/04/kings-envoy-book-trailer/
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/cas.peace

Interviewing You Answers pt. One

2011-12-12T12:55:00.011-05:00

Thanks to everyone for participating in my Interviewing You blog. For those who didn't see my original blog, I asked a series of questions and let you, the reader, give me the answers. Here are your answers for the first 6 questions. Enjoy. (I hate working in blogger so if your link doesn't go where it is suppose to go, email me and I'll fix it. epertase@gmail.com)

1.)What book would you say is your biggest influence?
Debra A. Kemp- The House of Pendragon: The Firebrand
- Le Mort d'Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory, so much would not exist without it.
Scott Poe - Book reviewer
-The Kinshield Legacy by KC May is the book that inspired me to start my blog.
M. Edward McNally- The Sable City
-The Hobbit
Betty - Author and blogger
-The Wolf and the Dove
Robert Chazz- Author Self-help for Stoners, Stuff to Read When You're High (though you don't have to be high, it just makes you a better audience.)
-The Color of Light by WIlliam Goldman, for the twists.
Candace Bowen Early- Spur of the Moment. Available through Rhemalda 2.1.12. Squee!
-Without a doubt, The Wolf and the Dove by Kathleen Woodiwiss
Rossandra White- Monkey's Wedding (YA paranormal--not yet published)
-Annie Dillard was my FIRST biggest influence
Roy Mauritsen - my novel, a fairy tale epic fantasy adventure titled Shards Of The Glass Slipper: Queen Cinder will be published 1st quarter 2012.
-Alice in Wonderland
Rachel Summerhill - Writer
-Stephen King’s Dark Tower series (and The Stand also), Anne Rice’s vampire chronicles, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and the Chronicles of Narnia
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- a horror/sci-fi/dark fantasy/weird fiction author, with dreams of finally finishing my high fantasy novel one of these moons.
-The Hobbit, or any of the AD&D books written by Gygax
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- Author
-Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino
Walter Rhein- Author of The Bone Sword and Beyond Birkie Fever
-Surgical Procedures that Can Be Performed at Home with a Microwave Oven

Shay Fabbro- Author of The Chosen
-The Lord of the Rings
Michael Young - Author of The Last Archangel
-I was great influenced by Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game. It left me with a sense of astonishment that I want to instill in my own writing.
Franz McLaren- Author
-The Dictionary
Douglas Brown- Author of Tamed, The Light of Epertase
-On Writing by Stephen King
Emmaline (Rhemalda)-
-I think A THIEF OF NIGHTSHADE by J. S. Chancellor has the deepest underlying theme with the possibility to influence people, their lives and actions that they take to protect themselves and or a friend or loved one that may be in a vulnerable position. Personal influences - Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and True Colors by Kristin Hannah
Thorgil Ragnarrson- Author of Thorgil Bloodaxe
-Books based on mythology
Cas Peace- Author of King's Envoy
-Has to be the Oxford English Dictionary, even though I know that makes me sound geeky!
-Bobbe Ecleberry
- The Bible

2.)Who is your favorite author?
Debra A. Kemp- Too many to mention.
Scott Poe- Currently tied with Brent Weeks and Brandon Sanderson
M. Edward McNally- Thomas Pynchon
Betty- Catherine Woodiweiss
Robert Chazz- William Goldman, for delivering said twists and surprises at every turn.
Candace Bowen Early- That's a tough one, but I would have to go with Stephen King.
Rossandra White- Right now, Anna Quindlen.
Roy Mauritsen - Dr. Suess, a childhood influence I've never truly outgrown.
Rachel Summerhill- I’ll give you my top three new finds in the past year and a half: Suzanne Collins, George R.R. Martin, and J.S. Chancellor. (Don’t feel left out, Doug, because I really like Epertase, too!)
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- Hunter S. Thompson, although H.P. Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard rake at his liquor soaked heels.
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- Vladimir Nabokov; pathos, satire, humour, darkness, light and wit - he has it all.
Walter Rhein- The guy who answered question one with the response: Sexual Reassignment Surgery at Home for Dummies.
Shay Fabbro- J.R.R. Tolkein, author of the above series.
Michael Young - I don’t know if I can say…I know so many of them, and enjoy their writing. It would be like choosing between your brothers and sisters.
Franz McLaren- I assume you mean other than me – Bentley Little
Douglas R. Brown-
Stephen King
Emmaline (Rhemalda)- All the Rhemalda Authors. Personal - Kristin Hannah and Jane Austen. They are so close that I cannot choose between the two.
Thorgil Ragnarrson- Robert E. Howard
My Mother- Douglas R. Brown for sure
Cas Peace- Not found anyone to top Stephen Donaldson yet, although there are some pretty close contenders.
Bobbe Ecleberry- Douglas Brown

3.)How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Debra A. Kemp- Some mysteries should never be exposed, otherwise it might lose its power.
Scott Poe- 1437
M. Edward McNally- The owl says three.
Betty- Too many just bite it.
Robert Chazz- I lick only under special circumstances. Mostly, I bite and crunch.
Candace Bowen Early- Three, of course (Now I'll be quoting the owl for the rest of the day).
Rossandra White- We never had them in Africa, can't say I've ever eaten one.
Roy Mauritsen - 3 (according to the owls.)
Rachel Summerhill- Mr. Owl says 3.
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- Zero, as I'm a biter.
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- I have never eaten a tootsie roll pop.
Walter Rhein- I only ever have to lick anything once.
Shay Fabbro- Never actually tried it but I would guess 1,327
Michael Young - It depends on who is doing the licking. I say the question needs more qualifying info. For me, I’d say the answer’s about 42.
Franz McLaren- 69 – No wait, can I say that here? Is this a family friendly site?
Strike that. Let's see…
453…454…455…Crunch!
Damn! (Okay I'm not starting that again. I'll fake it and no one will ever know)
532! Yep that's definitely it.
Douglas R. Brown-
Of course, since I asked the question I know the answer. But I'm sworn to secrecy.
Emmaline (Rhemalda)- I don't like Tootsie Pops.
Thorgil Ragnarrson- 3
My Mother- 75
Cas Peace- Argghh! I have no idea, I have never had one.
Bobbe Ecleberry- 2,000

4.)What is your biggest goal in life at this moment?
Debra A. Kemp- Replace the empty box of tissues on my desk.
Scott Poe- I'd really like a better job.
M. Edward McNally- Keep the demons at bay.
Betty- Just finished it today release 99 cent ebook
Robert Chazz- Used to be world domination, Pinky...but now just to get people to read my twisty whimsies.
Candace Bowen Early- To make it on a best sellers list
Rossandra White- be a good person, okay, I'm dorking with you: to get published.
Roy Mauritsen - It used to be "publishing a novel I've written", but I can check that off the list! Now it's cage diving with great white sharks (see also #7)
Rachel Summerhill- To get my novel Into the Blind Darkness finished, then published.
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- To finish and sell a full length novel.
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- To have enough good material to start pitching a short story compilation in late 2012.
Walter Rhein- To perfect my mystical warlock powers and attain the ability to shoot fireballs from my eyes/mouth.
Shay Fabbro- To sell one of each of my books to Denise Crosby (Lt. Tasha Yar in Star Trek: Next Generation) while at the GalaxyFest 2012 conference!
Michael Young - To land a literary agent and break into the national market in writing.
Franz McLaren- To get started on a new book.
Douglas R. Brown- Raising my son
Emmaline (Rhemalda)- Grow Rhemalda books and authors.
Thorgil Ragnarrson- publishing my second book of Thorgil Bloodaxe and seeing the red-haired Viking on the silver-screen.
My Mother- weight loss
Cas Peace- To find the answer to question 3; I simply cannot rest until I solve this perplexing puzzle...
Bobbe Ecleberry- get enough $ so husband can retire without us being destitute.

5.)What kind of books do you write or read?
Debra A. Kemp- I write Arthurian fiction because King Arthur commanded it of me. I never know what I like to read until I pick up a book and start reading.
Scott Poe- I read mostly fantasy, but I'll read pretty much anything.
M. Edward McNally- Read History, write Fantasy
Betty- Romance better known as bodice rippers
Robert Chazz- I read everything and write suspense because bad acts suit my worldview.
Candace Bowen Early- Romance, suspense and horror are my favorites so I usually incorporate all three in my writing.
Rossandra White- Everything from Don't Let's Go To The Dogs Tonight to The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao to Angle of Repose.
Roy Mauritsen - I write and enjoy reading epic fantasy adventure, and fairy tales
Rachel Summerhill- Fantasy, horror, and sci-fi.
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- Well written books, collections, and anthologies by modern Weird/speculative fiction authors, anything by the Pulp Three (Lovecraft, R.E Howard, C.A. Smith), and those Weird fiction authors who influenced them (Blackwood, Machen, Dunsany, etc.).
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- I read almost anything that is challenging and honest; I try to write the same, but my chosen genre is weird fiction.
Walter Rhein- Pick up the dictionary, go to the entry for "Awesome," you'll find the ordering information for my books there (I assume that answers the question).
Shay Fabbro- Mostly fantasy with some scifi thrown in for good measure.
Michael Young - I write mostly fantasy and science fiction, but I also dabble in a bit of historical fiction.
Franz McLaren- I write Fantasy. I read Horror and Mystery.
Douglas R. Brown- When I write, I write fantasy, urban fantasy, and nonfiction. I read fantasy but I love nonfiction
Emmaline (Rhemalda)- I read everything. Personal - Psychological suspense and Literary Fiction.
Thorgil Ragnarrson- Sword and sorcery fantasy-adventure
My Mother- mysteries
Cas Peace- I can read most things that are well written, but I don’t like explicit horror or violence.
Bobbe Ecleberry- fiction, non-fiction, biographies, humorous, self-help, mystery/romance, oh, and, fantasy recently

6.)Team Jacob, Team Edward, or Team _____? (I can't stand Twilight, but I look forward to the answers I get)

Debra A. Kemp- Team Lin ferch Arthur from my House of Pendragon series.
Scott Poe- Team Shoot Me in the Face.
M. Edward McNally- Team Edward (McNally). Team Me.
Betty- ditto... I don't like Twilight that makes a total of two..
Robert Chazz- Team Buffy. She knew what to do with emo vampires.
Candace Bowen Early- Hmmm...a sparkly, hard, cold dead guy who never sleeps or a wolf. I'll go with Jacob.
Rossandra White- Seriously?
Roy Mauritsen - Team Lestat
Rachel Summerhill- If I had to stick with the Twilight motif, I’d say Team Volturi (though Jacob does make a really pretty dog :p), or sticking with vampires I’d say Team Charity Black, from my soon to be published short story The Inquisitor’s Handmaiden, and there's definitely no romance there!
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- Team Curb Stomp on Wussy, Sparkling, Shirtless Supernaturalites.
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy- Team Follow A Better Franchise
Walter Rhein- I'd kind of like Jacob to hook up with Edward and leave that little cheater to the evil vampires as an appetizer.
Shay Fabbro- Team Khal Drogo because he would kick both their asses with his braid.
Michael Young - Buffy…she should slay them all.
Franz McLaren- I suppose this means something to most people but it confuses me. I watched a part of a Twilight movie once but it was not my cup of blood. So, I have to say that the team I generally prefer is the Steelers.
Douglas R. Brown- Team Blade
Emmaline (Rhemalda)- Team RHEMALDA
Thorgil Ragnarrson- n/a
My Mother- Team Angels
Cas Peace- I guess this is a Twilight question then, and as I haven’t read or seen any, I’ll have to give it a miss!
Bobbe Ecleberry- Team Edward

Join me for the last 5 questions in a week or so. And visit the sites of everyone who contributed to this interview. Show them some love. Great job, everyone. Thank you.
Debra A. Kemp- Author of The House of Pendragon: The Firebrand http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=723233203
http://amberquill.comhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif/Firebrand.html
www.myspace.com/debrakemp
http://debrakemp.blogspot.com/
http://www.blogger.com
Scott Poe- Book reviewer
http://indiebookblogger.blogspot.com/
M. Edward McNally- Author of The Sable City
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004PLNNLS
http://sablecity.wordpress.com/
Betty - Author and blogger
bettysbloggingplace
Robert Chazz- Author Self-help for Stoners, Stuff to Read When You're High (though you don't have to be high, it just makes you a better audience.)
allthatchazz.com
Candace Bowen Early- Spur of the Moment
www.knightseries.com
Rossandra White- Monkey's Wedding (YA paranormal--not yet published)
www.rossandrawhite.com
http://www.facebook.com/rossandra.white
Roy Mauritsen - my novel, a fairy tale epic fantasy adventure titled Shards Of The Glass Slipper: Queen Cinder will be published 1st quarter 2012.
http://www.shardsoftheglassslipper.com
Ted E. Grau (T.E. Grau)- a horror/sci-fi/dark fantasy/weird fiction author, with dreams of finally finishing my high fantasy novel one of these moons.
I'd like to promote my work in general, which can be read in about a half dozen currently or soon-to-be-released anthologies, which are detailed in various stages of coherence on my blog, The Cosmicomicon (http://cosmicomicon.blogspot.com/ ), and my upcoming collection of horror/sci-fi/dark fantasy short stories, which will be released inlate 2012 by a major (and still unnamed for a few more weeks) publisher of Mythos and speculative fiction and RPGs.
Jayaprakash Satyamurthy
http://pratilipi.in/2011/11/empty-dreams-jayaprakash-satyamurthy/
http://aaahfooey.blogspot.com
Walter Rhein-
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Birkie-Fever-Walter-Rhein/dp/1936850028/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314120830&sr=8-1
Shay Fabbro- Author of The Chosen
http://www.amazon.com/Chosen-Book-One-Portals-Destiny/dp/0983223211/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323126101&sr=1-1
Michael Young- Author of The Last Archangel
Read Now
Twitter @mdybyu
Franz McLaren- Author
franzmclaren.com
Douglas Brown- Author of Tamed, The Light of Epertase
www.epertase.com
http://www.amazon.com/Legends-Reborn-Light-Epertase-Book/dp/1936850109/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1323553290&sr=8-2
Emmaline- Rhemalda Publishing
www.rhemalda.com
Thorgil Ragnarrson- Author/Creator of Thorgil Bloodaxe
http://myfreecopyright.com/registered_mc...
http://www.myspace.com/thorgil_bloodaxe
My mother- Mother
I'll just promote my son www.epertase.com
Cas Peace- Author of King's Envoy
www.caspeace.com
www.rhemalda.com
http://rhemalda.com/authors/p/cas-peace-2/
http://rhemalda.com/2011/04/kings-envoy-book-trailer/
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/cas.peace

Interviewing You

2011-12-05T13:58:00.003-05:00

Ok. I'd like to try something a little different today. Though it has probably been done before, I haven't seen it. I enjoy reading interviews with people, but sometimes I get a tad bored with long-winded answers. Yes, I realize that my interview answers are often long-winded, but I'm trying to ignore that for today. What I would like to do is the following. I am going to ask a series of light-hearted questions for you all to answer. Everyone is welcome to join in on this, not just authors. If you are an author, this is a chance to expose your work to new readers. If you are a reader, this is a chance to find new authors to try out. If you don't care about either, hopefully, the interview will simply be fun to read.

So, here is what you do: send me an email at epertase@gmail.com (do not post your answers in the comments of this blog as I want to put the questions and answers together and present them all at once in a week or so. Again, I will not be approving the answers in the comments. Comments about the blog, however, are welcomed and appreciated.)

In you email, answer each question with a single sentence. (And I don't mean a 300-word run-on either.) if your answer is so great ( and I mean the world is truly missing out by it being only 1 sentence) then I suppose two sentences would be alright. And yes, I realize I have probably just opened the door to every answer being 2 sentences long, but I hope not. With your answers, you are welcome to be as clever as you'd like or simply answer straight up. It is truly up to you. Just a heads up, we love witty answers here on this blog. Just please don't go blue (unless the question is about your favorite color and it happens to be blue, of course).

Also, in your email, include your name and the name of the work you would like to promote. At the end of the email, provide 1 link to any one site that you would like to promote (FB like page, blog, Amazon, etc.). If someone likes your stuff, they can find out more from there. If you have nothing to promote, then just leave it blank and enjoy yourself.

Do not worry about typing the questions as the question number will suffice. In a week or so, I will repost the questions with everyone's answers and links. I'd like for this interview to be fun, so I am asking you to not only participate, but to share this blog with your friends so they can join in. The more the merrier. Also, be a sport and follow my blog if you don't already. I'd love to have you as a guest.

Now, here's the questions.

1.) What book would you say is your biggest influence?

2.) Who is your favorite author?

3.) How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

4.) What is your biggest goal in life at this moment?

5.) What type of books to you write or read?

6.) Team Jacob or Team Edward or Team _______? (I don't like Twilight, but I look forward to the different answers I'll get)

7.) What is your favorite movie?

8.) What is your favorite band?

9.) Authors- What do you think works best when promoting your product? Readers- What type of promotions get you to try a product?

10.) If you had a million dollars, what would you do first?

11.) Firefighters or police officers? Remember, I'm a firefighter before you answer.

Alright, that is my first series of questions. If I get a good response, I'll do it again with new questions. Remember, email your answers to epertase@gmail.com and come back in a week or so for the answers. Come on, everyone. Let's make this fun. (Yes, I am especially looking at you, fellow Rhemalda authors ;)

Ever Talk to Three-hundred Sixteen-year-olds?

2011-11-25T10:36:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago I was asked if I would speak to seven classes of sophomores at a local high school about writing. I agreed and two weeks ago Friday was the day. For the weeks leading up to it, I spent most of my free time putting together what I had hoped was an interesting presentation. I felt pretty prepared. I used a mix of writing tips, stories about why I write, and a fire department tale or two in hopes of having something that everyone in the class could enjoy.

I'm not going to lie to you--I was pretty nervous about the whole situation. OK, so I wasn't as bad as the kid in the video, but you get my point. After all, I'm a firefighter/paramedic/author and nowhere does that say public speaker. Not to mention, I wasn't given any direction as to what the teachers wanted me to cover. All I knew was I had 45 minutes to fill.

The first class was for about 60 kids. In hindsight, I think I prefer the bigger classes because there seems to be more participation. That first class went pretty smooth and I thought, This is going to go better than I thought.

And then the second class of about 25 students entered. One kid put his head on his desk before I even started and slept through my entire presentation. None of the other kids participated and I was stuck on an island. About half way through my spiel, I was ready to quit. I was stammering my way through while they could care less. At the end I asked for questions and heard crickets instead. I was ready to run screaming for the door. With five more classes I was a wreck. But I stuck with it and started building confidence with each class.

By the last few classes, I was joking and interacting with the kids and felt a lot better, if not slightly fatigued. The teachers repeatedly complemented my presentation and thanked me for discussing topics that they struggle to get through to their students. You know, show, don't tell and revise, revise, revise--those kinds of things.

So, the question becomes, would I do this again? My short answer is yes. (It has to be, since I am scheduled to give my presentation to one-hundred and fifty thirteen-year-olds next month.) I guess you'd like to know if it was worth my time and effort. I suppose I'd have to say yes. First of all, anytime you do something out of your comfort zone, I think you grow as a person. And second, there are now 300+ teen-agers who have met me and have been exposed to my work.

Financially, I only sold six books, but my Amazons sales spiked a bit in the days after, so who knows if that was the reason. Overall, six books after speaking to 300 kids was a bit of a disappointment, but it quickly became obvious that my presentation wasn't the problem. If I had to put my finger on why I did poorly in sales, I'd point to three reasons. For one, they are teen-agers. Money is a rare commodity and at 16 years old, I doubt their parents were shelling out much cash for their teen-agers' entertainment. At sixteen if my parents gave me fifteen bucks for a book, I'd probably put it into my gas tank or something else. My second guess is that fantasy has a very particular and specific fanbase and doesn't appeal to everyone. In fact, a lot of kids showed more interest in my coming werewolf story than the fantasy I was there promoting. And the third reason for poor sales would be peer pressure. If several kids lined up, I think it would have been contagious.

I have heard that children's book authors do extremely well with school presentations, but it didn't seem to translate to the older kids. I'm hoping my presentation next month to the thirteen-year-olds produce better results since those kids might be more likely to be excited about meeting an author.

We shall see. I've got my fingers crossed.

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T11:24:00.003-05:00

Today is Thanksgiving. Try to enjoy your families and leave all of your stresses behind for this one day. (Unless you're a turkey, of course. In that case I say, "Ruuuuunn.) To all of my firefighter friends working today, stay safe and enjoy Turkey Day with your second family.

Reacting to Negative Reviews

2011-11-07T17:45:00.000-05:00

(Yeah, I know. The video is more about editing than it is about reviews, but I'm invoking creative licensing here. You get the point, right?)

If you write or paint or do anything creative, and you put your work out for people to see, you are bound to get a poor review or two. My first book has received many good reviews but it has also received bad ones here and there. Let's talk about the bad ones today and how you handle them.

Let me start by giving you the advice my publisher and my friends Michelle Davidson Argyle and J.S. Chancellor gave me. DON'T READ REVIEWS. That's great advice. And if you are one of those people who can take that advice, you can stop reading now. But if you are like me and just can't go on not knowing what people think of your work, continue reading.

I used to read every review I could find. Now that my book has been out for awhile and my next book is coming soon, I don't seek them out as much anymore. I'll still read them if I see them, but they're not on my mind as much anymore. That's because I have learned what other more experienced writers have learned already. Two different people like two very different things. Simple as that. For example, some people complain about how I jump from one character to another throughout my book while others remark at how much they like that very element. Some people complain about my style while others say they love it. I have found that when it comes to books, if an author's voice doesn't jive with the voice in the reader's head, it doesn't matter how good the book is, it'll be hard for that reader to enjoy. There is nothing I can do as an author to change that.

But, back to why I started this blog. I really want to know how you handle negative reviews. Before you answer, here are a couple potential reactions and why such a reaction is or isn't a good idea.

The first is anger. "That person just doesn't get it. How dare they?" That's a natural reaction and I'm not going to say you are wrong in feeling this way. Where this reaction causes irreversible consequences is if you express it in any public way, especially on the web. You might remember not too long ago when a blog review site went viral because an author lashed out at the blogger's negative review of her work. I felt bad for the author and her subsequent verbal beating on that site, but I also knew she brought it on herself. You should never argue with someone about why they don't like what you've created or why they don't get it. It is simply unprofessional.

Another reaction, which I'm sure everyone who has been criticized has had at some point is sadness. Again, that is a normal reaction, but one I don't think should be expressed to the reviewer. If you feel you must say something, I guess you could tell them you are sorry they didn't like your work, but even that probably isn't a very good idea.

Now, I'm going to say something that creative people might not like at first. Bear with me for a moment and I'll explain myself. Those negative reviews, the ones that tear out your soul and stomp on it, for the most part, are right. OK, OK, don't come down on me yet and just hear me out. What I mean is it is right for that person. If a reviewer doesn't have a personal vendetta against you and their review is that they didn't like what you've created for one reason or another, it is their feelings therefore they can't be wrong. I hated the movie "300." Some people think I'm crazy, but I'm not wrong because they it is my opinion. If the reviewer didn't get my book or your art, then they didn't get it. So, take it with a grain of salt and move on.

This brings me to my next reaction and the one I think you, the artist, should consider. If you insist on reading the reviews, like I do on occasion, you should try to put equal weight in the bad ones as you do in the good ones. I know it is easier said than done, but you have to try. Read the negative reviews, set them aside and mope around for a bit if you must, and then forget them and move on. You shouldn't contact the reviewer or trash them on your blog or god-forbid allow their words to steer you away from your own vision in the future. Just take their words, tell yourself that they have their own opinions, and get back to creating. That's what I've learned.

Everyone gets bad reviews. It's what happens when you open yourself up to strangers in the form of art. My most brutal review was given to my book on its actual launch day. Talk about letting the air out of someone's sails. But I got past it and have went on to create more work that I am proud to have created. I can guarantee the person who gave me such a negative review will hate my next book, because I haven't changed my style in any way. There are no hard feelings and I'm actually sorry the reviewer didn't like my story. After all, I create to give enjoyment.

So, what do you all think? How do you respond when your hard work is decimated by a critic? And what is the harshest comment you have received? I'll start. The harshest comment I've received is when a reviewer said that my two years of hard work could have been thrown together in a weekend by any other author. Yikes.

(Quick note. If you have tried to comment in the past and have been unable, I think I have fixed that problem. I've heard from a lot of people who wanted to comment and couldn't so I've changed a setting. I hope that helps. Send me an email if you are still having trouble commenting and I will try again to fix the issue again. I want to hear from you. epertase@gmail.com )

Mid Ohio Comic con 2011

2011-10-23T21:28:00.000-04:00

Here is my booth at comic con this weekend. Fun time, met lots of great people, and sold a few books.

Today is a special day

2011-10-19T18:31:00.000-04:00

As a teenager, I worked with a girl who was three years older than me and way too pretty to be in my league. I was rather shy and focused more on getting my work done and keeping to myself than talking with someone who I had no chance of realistically pursuing. In fact, I didn't talk to her at all. That is, other than her daily harassing of me about not wearing a hairnet when my hair was almost as long as hers, if you could call that talking.

Hey, she was a cook and I was just a dishes guy anyway.

Fast forward to a couple of years later. I had graduated from high school, cut my hair, and started working as the facility's night watchman. In the evenings, as I was coming into work, she was leaving and we began talking a bit more often. Over a few months, we became pretty good friend and shared our problems with each other like good friends often do. Well, actually, she usually shared and I usually listened. ;)

I no longer looked at her as just some pretty girl who I was too shy to approach, but started seeing her more and more as a friend. She began coming over to the building where I worked and talked with me for a couple of hours as I did my night-watch duties.

As we talked, I never once considered someone so pretty could ever be remotely interested in me in any way other than the friendship we already had. No, really, that was how lacking in confidence I was. I'd had girlfriends in the past, but something about this girl tied me in knots.

One evening before she left, while I was on the telephone, she did it. She strutted up to me, pressed her lips against mine for a moment, and then left with a sly grin that said, "What do you think about that?"

I was floored. I truly had no idea that she saw me in any way other than a friend. I'm sure the signs were there, but as we have already established, I was far from Casanova. In hindsight, I'm actually glad to have been so clueless, because I probably would have tried too hard in my "wooing" and blown my chances before anything ever materialized.

You see, the reason I tell you this story is because five years later, I married that girl. And, today, I celebrate my 15th wedding anniversary with the most beautiful woman I have ever known.

Angie Brown, I love you now as much as ever. Happy anniversary and thank you for being my soulmate.

...that is, until Beetlejuice stole her away from me. Curse you, Beetlejuice.

Cover Unveiling

2011-10-04T12:49:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago on this blog I asked if you have ever wanted to own a werewolf. Today, I am excited to announce why I asked that question. A couple of years ago I wondered, if werewolves were real and could be tamed, would people own them. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that people actually would. After all, Mike Tyson owned a tiger. If I could somehow convince the wealthy public that a werewolf was just a seven-foot tall, perfectly docile, cousin to the wolf, I had no doubt that people would consider the prospect.

With that idea, I started writing "Tamed" in between working on my Epertase trilogy. My goal with "Tamed" was to take what is cool about werewolves and give the reader a unique spin on the creatures. I hoped to do for the werewolf genre what True Blood did for vampires in telling a story about familiar creatures in a way that isn't so familiar. I think I have accomplished that goal.

In May of this year, I finished "Tamed" and, shortly thereafter, submitted it to Rhemalda. They offered a contract and we started working on getting my werewolf-novel-with-a-twist ready for a winter release.

And now I get to unveil the cover and the working back synopsis for the first time. I am so excited.

I can't wait for you to read my story.

Feedback would be phenomenal.

Werewolves are real.

And they make loyal pets.

Christine doesn't care that owning one of the docile creatures is the newest fad, or that the WereHouse insists their product is 100% safe, she hates them just the same. But her job as a firefighter/paramedic and the increasing popularity of werepets make encounters unavoidable.

While on a routine EMS call, she and her partner stumble onto the scene of a rabid werepet massacre of its owners. The wounded creature attacks Christine, infecting her with his blood before she narrowly escapes with her life.

Over the coming weeks, something changes within her. During emergency calls to werepet-heavy neighborhoods, the male only creatures become aggressive when she is near and some of them break their tames.

The WereHouse takes notice.

Christine's very existence threatens to expose long hidden secrets about the company. If the hunters sent by the WereHouse find her, they will kill her. But if she escapes, she will bring down the entire werepet industry and change the world in the process.

Barnes and Noble PA announcement. Sweet

2011-10-01T21:38:00.000-04:00

Here is the announcement that Barnes and Noble made at the start of my signing. That's cover artist Steve Murphy in the video. Barnes and Noble said 8 books sold is what they considered successful. I sold 14. Woo-hoo.

Next stop, Mid Ohio Comic Con on Oct. 22-23.

Firefighters are the Enemy in Ohio

2011-09-29T16:00:00.000-04:00

I have been in the fire service for 20 years now and what is going on here in Ohio shocks and hurts me in ways I can't explain in words. And I'm an author. I have dedicated my life to helping people and risking my own life in the process.

Unfortunately, my career has come under attack this year. Let me take a second to explain what has happened for those of you who don't live in Ohio and then I'll tell you why it is hurting firefighters along with teachers, police, and all of Ohio's public servants. I will speak mostly about how it affects firefighters since that is what I know best.

Here in Ohio, Governor John Kasich passed a bill in the spring called Senate Bill 5. By all opinions within the fire service, it is a terrible bill for our future safety and for our future in protecting the public. The initial backlash to this bill was incredible with 1.3 million Ohioans signing a petition to have the bill go up for vote in November. Voting no on Issue 2 (as Senate Bill 5 is now known) will repeal the bill.

Because the governor has a high political stake in this bill, he and his wealthy supporters have poured millions of dollars into getting the support of the voters on Issue 2 in November. It is unfortunate that their constant barrage of ads on TV have started swaying some of the public into disliking their local firefighters (along with police and teachers). For example, Issue 2 supporters have ads showing how public employees pay less than the general public for their insurance in hopes that the voter will want us to pay more. People seeing that ad might think, "Hey, that's reasonable," and so they decide to vote for the bill. But that's the problem. Insurance and pension contributions are only one aspect of this flawed bill and it ignores all of the points that the majority of firefighters are against.

With that said, let me get to the point of this blog. Here is why I am so shocked and disheartened by what is going on in these months leading up to the vote. Supporters of this bill have campaigned to make firefighters and police and teachers look like overpaid mooches on society. Their ad campaigns and public speeches have portrayed us as the reason the country is having such economic woes. To people struggling, they are giving a face to their misery. The opposition's rhetoric of blame and anger at public employees has created a hostile environment toward us, which is something I never thought a politician could or would do.

In the last few months, I have been called a parasite and an idiot because I'm a firefighter. Other firefighters have been followed and video-taped while working so that our opposition can "catch" them making mistakes. We have been confronted by people hoping to get us to respond negatively so they can portray us as being rude, or angry, or whatever helps them prove that we are, in fact, your enemy.

Never in my career could anyone have convinced me that people would be so against us as many people are right now. But here we are. Now, you might say that I'm exaggerating and that people can't hate firefighters and cops and teachers here in Ohio. Well, all I can say is that Issue 2 has a good chance of passing despite our pleas that it makes us a lot less safe and efficient.

Most people who support the bill like a few of the key points and I understand that. The problem is that Governor Kasich and his supporters have included several articles within the bill that endanger firefighters and the public in general in the long run. Things like stacking the deck against the firefighters during negotiations by giving final say to the politicians in every aspect of the contract. Most people don't realize that our safety is part of our contract negotiations and, yes, increased safety sometimes means increased cost. For more on how the bill affects our safety, I have included links to two of my previous editorials if you want to learn more.

In the meantime, the point of this blog is to, yes, vent a little, but also to give readers a small glimpse into how the demonizing of firefighters affects us personally. I go back to work tomorrow. At any moment, my life could be at stake. In saying that, I can't believe that I am involved in a situation where I am trying to convince the general public that firefighters aren't the enemy. I can't believe that so many people are trusting a member of Wall Street-turned-politician over the very people who teach their kids and save their lives.

As an added note, the governor has excluded his own office and politicians in general from the bill. If it is a good bill, and he is a public servant, why do you think that is?

I'm sorry if you are for Issue two and are offended by my comments, but I ask you to look at everything this bill does and vote with what you think is right. I have never felt so attacked by politicians and I hope Ohioans come to firefighters' defense in November.

If you live in Ohio, please vote NO on Issue 2. Thank you.

Ever want to own a werewolf?

2011-09-15T09:37:00.000-04:00

I am excited to announce that Rhemalda Publishing has accepted my werewolf novel with a twist. More information coming soon. If this intrigues you, sign up for more.

www.wix.com/epertase/tamedhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

"Your Name as a character" contest winner

2011-08-26T09:54:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to Thomas Paul Barczak on winning my "Your Name as a Character" contest. Thomas is the author of "Awakening Evarun," part one of a six-part serial available on Amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Evarun-Part-VI-ebook/dp/B005CTBFWG/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1312287667&sr=1-1

Thomas' name was drawn from a pool of entrants and he has been given the option of naming a character in "The Light of Epertase, Book 2; A Kingdom's Fall." Thomas has given me two names to choose from--Orin and Vacha. I have decided to use both.

I want to thank everyone who entered.

Is FaceBook Worthless for Marketing Your Book (and other related questions)?

2011-08-22T20:36:00.000-04:00

My friend, J.S. Chancellor, once asked me if I have ever purchased a book from another author I met on FaceBook. I thought it was a good question and one I should open up to everyone.

For my answer, I have to say, rarely. I have so many books waiting to be read and so much writing that I still need to do, I don't have a chance to check out everyone's work. On occasion, I'll buy a book from someone I have made a personal connection with during FB chats, but I never buy a book just because someone friended me and then posted a link to their book on my wall. Maybe some of you have, which is why I'm asking the question. Hey, I'm not knocking trying such a tactic, as we have to do everything we can to sell books, I'm just wondering if it ever works.

After all, I post links to my book and book-related stuff all of the time. But does it actually sell books?

Even with my earlier answer of rarely, as to the question of buying books from new FB friends, I have to say that overall, it doesn't work. Wait a minute, you say. I said rarely, so that must mean it works sometimes, right? Well, not exactly. I have 900+ friends on FaceBook. Out of those 900 friends, I'm guessing 50-100 of them are friends of mine from the "real" world. Then, another 30-40 have become people I enjoy talking with on FaceBook because we've taken the time to engage in conversation for whatever reason. That leaves a lot of authors that have friended me or I have friended who are simply promoting their work, which is the same thing I have done. But out of all of those numbers, I'd say I've purchased 3 books. Yeah. Three.

Does that make me a jerk? Or selfish? I sure hope not. When I started acquiring friends here on FB, I had every intention of checking out their stuff while hoping to find avenues of promoting my own work. I do share other author's stuff on occasion, but only if I was particularly interested in what they had said or if they had made some kind of personal connection with me.

So, that brings me to my next set of questions. In saying all of this, does it mean that FaceBook is worthless for authors? That answer for me is still a resounding "no way." First and foremost, I have made friends on FaceBook and I enjoy chatting with them quite a bit. Second, and more to the point, I do think things I have written have spread by this medium. Blogs, for example. This blog, even. If you are here participating in this debate, I am willing to bet you found it from Facebook, Twitter, or through some other social media. Does that mean you are going to rush out and buy my book now? No, of course not. I've learned that everything doesn't have to be about selling books. I am happy you are here regardless of whether you read fantasy or have any interest in ever paying for what I've written.

The fact that you're reading this and (hopefully) commenting, hint, hint, is enough for me to continue being active on FaceBook and Twitter and such.

Really, I wish I could buy all of your books and you could all buy mine, but that just isn't reality.

Which brings me to my final series of questions today. What is your purpose for using FaceBook as a way to market your work? Is it simply to throw your latest book at the FaceBook wall and hope something catches on? Is it to make friends and build relationships with other authors? How about name recognition? For example, if you've seen my book title a few times and then you are searching WalMart or Barnes and Noble or wherever for something to read and you come across my book again, will you give it a try? Does that ever work?
I'd love to hear your opinion. Have you found something different in your FB marketing? Have you found a place where actual readers go looking for your stuff to read? Like Goodreads, for instance? Maybe you have a different goal or maybe you ARE one of the ones who uses FaceBook to find your next read. I'd like to hear your take.

Oh yeah, and if you are using FB to find your next read, do I have a suggestion for you ;)

The Scene of the Crime

2011-08-10T19:11:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, August 6, 2011, an unspeakable crime was committed at a local comic book store in Newark, Ohio. Here are the facts as we know them. A 38 year-old male snuck into the Comic Shop Plus in Newark, armed with boxes of books, bookmarks, and possibly door "prizes." This individual, along with a rogue gang of friends and family, proceeded to set up tables, give out beverages, and sign books that he eventually sold to the unsuspecting public. This is a strange crime indeed and one that police believe could become an ongoing phenomenon. There are already rumors of this so-called "author" making an appearance at the New Albany street fair on August 20th, between 2-4 PM. Please keep your eye out for this man as, if you get too close to him or his accomplices, they may lighten your wallet of $15.00 in exchange for some made-up story. Please watch the surveillance video below closely as this "criminal" unloaded 56 books before he vanished without a trace.

If you know one of these people, be sure to like Epertase on Facebook, or hurry over to www.epertase.com. Thank you.

Launch Day... Eh.

2011-08-04T21:19:00.000-04:00

Last Monday was the official launch of my book, "The Light of Epertase: Legends Reborn." In celebration, I... well I... uh... worked at the fire house. I know, kind of a letdown, huh?

When I arrived at work I was told that a brand new, first-day-out-of-the-academy, rookie firefighter was going to be on the truck with me. What's that mean for a lieutenant? A lot, actually. It means, among other things, on emergencies I have to keep a close eye on what he is doing in addition to my regular lieutenant duties. It also means that I need to sit down with him and explain what I expect on fire scenes, EMS calls, and around the station in general. Sure, he has had wonderful training in Columbus' fire academy, but it's a little different doing it for real.

Unfortunately, I only had an hour with him before I went to a meeting where I discussed my new position as a training officer for battalion four. But in that hour with him, we pulled some of the hose off of the truck for practice (called advancing hoselines) because different stations load their hose in different ways. And then I went to my training meeting.

After my meeting, I met with the rookie again, only this time the battalion chief joined us so he could lay out what he expects of new guys (and gals) at the station. As I went through the day with the new guy, I was careful to remember my own first nervous day and I tried to make him as comfortable possible. By that, I mean as comfortable as one could be with the imminent threat of a life-or-death situation weighing on them for 24 hours. I remember how my mind was racing on my first day and I wanted to give him a sense of calm. If you are excited and high-strung before a call comes in, then when the actual action starts, it'll inevitably get worse from there.

You ever played that game where you hold your hands out palms down and someone else holds their palms upward against yours? You know the one, where they try to smack the top of your hands before you yank them away. It doesn't take long before you are flinching at every subtle movement that the other person makes. Now, imagine that feeling throughout your entire body for 24 straight hours and I think you can understand how on edge he probably felt. The trick to the first few days at the fire house is to get past those feelings and to stop jumping at every crack of the PA speaker. He will; it'll just take time.

Between the calls and the paperwork and the rookie, you can see how I spent most of my launch day, far too busy to think much about my book. Does it sound like the air has been let out of the launch day sails a little? Yeah, probably a bit, but that's OK. My celebration will actually be on Saturday when I have my official launch party. In preparation for that, the local newspaper did a story on me (see blog here: ), I did a radio interview on Tuesday, and flyers have been posted in stores everywhere. So, hopefully, the launch party will be highly successful and a tad more fun than my actual launch day. We shall see.

But my launch day did end better. When I came home from work the next morning, my wife had left me a gift on the table next to a chocolate chip cookie cake as a congratulations. I ask you, what could be better than cake?

Awakening Evarun

2011-08-02T12:54:00.000-04:00

My friend Thomas has released part one of a 6-part fantasy serial. I wanted to share my review.

Thomas Barczak writes fantasy like fantasy is suppose to be written. Thomas has a talent to his words and a voice made for the fantasy genre. Passages like, "Talus pulled his knees close and drew the veil of the dying over him" is a perfect passage to highlight Thomas' flair for story-telling.

I can't say a lot about the story as this is the first part of a 6 part serial, but let me just say wizards.

And then there is Thomas' art. Each chapter is highlighted by a sketch from Thomas' pencil and, at times, I found myself anxiously reading through his wonderful prose in anticipation of the next piece of art. Not that I wasn't enthralled in the writing, but I love his art. Thomas is talented in both writing and illustrating and anyone who likes high fantasy would be well advised to give Thomas' serial a read.

Here's a link to pick it up for $2.99 on your Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Evarun-Part-VI-ebook/dp/B005CTBFWG/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1312287667&sr=1-1

My Local Newspaper Gives Me Some Love

2011-07-25T15:17:00.000-04:00

My local newspaper recently did a story about me, my writing, and being a firefighter. Here are a couple of my immediate thoughts.

First, after doing the interview and having a few photos taken, I realized that I had no idea what the theme of the article was going to be. The anticipation started to feel like torture. After all, I had given him an ARC copy of the book, so the article could have been about how crappy of a writer I was. For all I knew, he could have written that he hoped I was a better firefighter than I was an author. OK, the article probably wasn't going to turn out that way, but that's my point-- an author can’t help but feel vulnerable in this situation, even though rationally he knows it’s a good product.

Also, I'm not a professional speaker, so in any interview I do, my words could easily be misconstrued or the wrong parts emphasized, and I’d look like a tool. (Heck, I talked quite a bit and even I don't know everything I said.) Our interview was probably 15 or 20 minutes long and then we spoke again casually on another occasion for a bit longer. What if I had come home from a bad day at the fire house and said, "Man, I hated work yesterday?" The entire story could have been "Firefighter Who Hates His job." Or "Fireman Complains of Hard Work." See how easy it is to misinterpret?

Here is another potential pitfall in speaking to the press. As you talk to reporters, because their job is to be good listeners, you quickly forget that everything you say is on the record. Like a good friend, they don't cut you off after you make your point either. They will let you drone on and on and on for as long as you want to talk. Because he listened so well, I found myself unable to resist the urge of elaborating on whatever I had just said when there was actually no need.

I'm reminded of President Obama saying Chris Brown was a "jackass" to a reporter after the singer assaulted Rhianna a couple of years ago. And then I remember the president's immediate backpedaling as he realized that he wasn't talking to friends off the record, but to the media. Now, after doing my interview, I can see how that can happen. Though, I didn't call anyone a jackass...

I don't think.

Most of these fears, I admit, are fairly far-fetched, but, hey, it could happen. Overall, I don't think that I said anything too awful and, in the end, the final article turned out to be pretty cool. Here it is: http://www.newarkadvocate.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2011107210306

What do you all think? My thanks to Chad Klimack of The Pastaskala Standard for his professionalism and accuracy.

Book Launch Party- Newark, Ohio

2011-07-20T11:20:00.000-04:00

If you are in the central Ohio area on Aug. 6th, 2011, please join me at The Comic Shop Plus, 235 s. 21st street between 1:00 and 4:00 to celebrate the launch of "The Light of Epertase: Legends Reborn." I will be there along with cover artist, Steve Murphy, signing copies of the book. Come on by, I'd love to meet you. And bring your family. Everyone is welcome.

Local Firefighter Reactions to my Book

2011-07-18T08:47:00.000-04:00

Now that "The Light of Epertase: Legends Reborn" has started to make its way into readers' hands, I thought I'd tell you how my firefighter friends have reacted. Although the book's official release date isn't until August 1, 2011, Walmart.com and Amazon have started sending out their orders. Plus, I have received my allotment from Rhemalda and have broken my own release date (please don't tell them).

The first reaction I'd like to mention was from my good friend, John. John and I have a rather unique friendship in that we spend most of our time cutting on each other. It can be quite comical as well as quite brutal, especially when others are around. In fact, if you read the acknowledgements in my book, I thank "everyone at station 22 except for John." I was excited to be able to actually dig at him in print. Let's see him top that.

Anyway, in front of a bunch of firefighters, and might I add potential buyers, John asked me how much I make per book sold. Mistakenly thinking he was genuinely interested, I told him. He said, "Then can I just give you a couple of dollars and not have to buy your stupid book?" Everyone thought that was pretty hysterical. It was, after all, the first funny thing John has said in the 11 years I've known him. ;)

Now that I've received copies of the book that I can sell, I've sold them to about 20 or so firefighters. Overall, the reaction has been better than I expected. (No, John still hasn't bought one.) The surprising part is in who has bought them. I have had three firefighters buy my book just to support me with no intentions of reading it, saying that they weren't much into reading. Here's the cool part. All three of them decided to try a chapter or two (probably so they would have fodder for their coming wise cracks) and all three of them finished the book within a couple of days. To me, that is a great sign when people who aren't big readers are unable to put my book down once they start. I'm beyond thrilled.
Having said all of that, they are still firefighters. My friend Roger read it at work while I was doing paperwork in the office. He found a small overuse of a particular word and proceeded to announce over the PA every time he came across that word. Just what I wanted to hear, an announcement to everyone what he perceived as a mistake. Arrrgghh.

In telling you that, I suppose you'd like to know what my overused word was. Well, you'll have to pick up the book and find out for yourself as I don't want to taint your reading of it. BTW, no one else has complained of the same, so I think it is just Roger.
But, let me tell you, I'll never overuse that word again just in case.

I've had other firefighter friends ask me what the book was about and I've told them a brief synopsis while adding, "You wanna buy one?" To which they've replied, "I'm not buying that crap."

I've even tried to convince one or two of them that my book comes with 384 pieces of kindling to no avail. Oh well, you can't win them all.

So, there you have it--my firefighter friends' initial reactions to one of their own releasing a book. In reality, 99.9% of my coworkers who have read Epertase have enjoyed it so much that they have called me at home and asked to preview book two so they don't have to "wait an entire year to find out what happens." That's pretty cool. If they were simply being nice, I don't think they would have taken the time to call me at home.

Though John did call me one night to tell me he was at a bon fire and needed something to burn. I told him he could burn as many of my books as he wanted...

As long as he paid for them first.

That damn John.

A Fun Firehouse Good-bye

2011-06-13T15:47:00.000-04:00

Since I was promoted, I have been spending quite a few shifts at station 15 on the near east side of Columbus. If you have read my past blogs then you might recognize 15's as the station where I spent my first day as a promoted lieutenant. (See blogs here: http://epertase.blogspot.com/2011/01/last-day-first-day.html AND part 2 here: http://epertase.blogspot.com/2011/01/last-day-first-day-pt-2.html As you can see from that blog, the guys and gals can be pretty rough.

Anyway, one of the long-time station 15 firefighters (we call him Pup) has recently decided to transfer to another station. This is relatively common on Columbus Fire as firefighters decide to try new stations for one reason or another.

So, I was at 15's on the day that the newest transfer list, which revealed Pup's departure, was released. Let me say up front that everyone at 15's is going to miss Pup and no one wanted to see him go, but those aren't the feelings that firefighters express in most cases. Here is how they did express themselves.

The first thing I noticed was when I went to fill out some paperwork on totally unrelated matter. I scanned the roster to get Pup's ID number and saw that his name had been blacked out completely. The news of his leaving was less than an hour old and someone had already removed his name from the station roster. I thought it was harsh (and funny) but that was only the beginning. You see, Pup still had to work three more weeks at 15's before he started his new assignment at station 8.

A little later in the day I asked one of the guys what he thought of Pup leaving and he answered, and I quote, "Who?"

I said, "Pup."

He said, "I don't know this 'Pup' whom you are speaking of."

Meanwhile, Pup laughed along with the jokes as the crew jabbed him all day. He was called a quitter for "abandoning" the station, an idiot, and many other names that I won't put into print as to not offend anyone. But he knew it was all in fun. Firefighters are rough, I'm tellin' ya..

He didn't get much of a break from his future crew over at 8's either. A few days later, the crew at 8's sent station 15 a painted wheel chock (see pic) and was told it was part of the trade.

According to them, fifteens got a wheel chock and 8's got a Pup, hinting that all Pup was good for was being shoved under a truck tire so the truck doesn't roll backward.

But all of that was in fun. As I write this blog, we are at Pup's last day at 15's. You'd think his friends would buy him a farewell cake and a card or something, but if that is what you think, you haven't been paying attention. You see, a cake was purchased, only it was purchased by Pup for the rest of us. That's right. Pup's farewell cake was his responsibility and we ate every bite. Then we proceeded to tell him how terrible his cake tasted.

On a serious note. I won't see Pup as much anymore because he will be in a different area than I usually work. And do you know what? I'll miss him. (Even if he is a quitter and can't handle the pace here in Battalion four ;) So, I'll see you around... uh... um...

Who are we talking about again?

Fear and Relief

2011-06-09T13:09:00.000-04:00

As I hold my first actual copy of my debut novel, "The Light of Epertase: Legends Reborn," I am struck by a couple of feelings at once. First, I have enormous relief. Relief in that the culmination of several years of hard work now rests in my hands. Relief in knowing that I have done everything I could in order to present my story in the absolute best way possible.
Now, with the actual book in my hands, I couldn't be happier with how it has turned out. Several years ago when I started imagining Epertase as a published novel, and not just something I worked on whenever I had spare time, I had but one wish. That wish had nothing to do with making money, or having people know my name, or anything like that. No, my wish was to be able to one day present my story to the world in the best way possible. I believe, with the tireless work of many people, that goal has been accomplished.

But, having said all of that, I have a new fear as well. Not really a new fear as much as a lingering fear that has suddenly rose to the forefront of my mind. Rhemalda and I have created something I am infinitely proud to have done. Whether we have, in fact, succeeded in our goal is now up to you, the reader. There comes a time in an artist's life when they must put their hard work into the public eye to be scrutinized. That time is nearing for me.

And that is what scares me. There is no way I can know how my work will be perceived until it is "out there."

Am I a good writer? Hmm. Well, for today I have to trust that I am. But come August 1st, it will be your turn to be the judge. My story will be out of our hands and at your mercy.
Rhemalda and I have done our best.

I hope you like what we have created.

I hope you will be entertained.

And I hope you decide to join us for the rest of my Epertasian journey.

Wedding Rings are Dangerous

2011-05-25T08:37:00.000-04:00

Warning: Slightly graphic blog. Read at your own risk. (Really, does that kind of warning ever deter anyone? Heck, when I see that, it makes me want to read on. But you have been warned.)

With the title of this blog, I know you are expecting me to go into some long tirade about how being married is a dangerous proposition and how the ring is symbolic of that union, blah, blah, blah.

Unfortunately, I'm not that clever. So this blog is about how the actual wedding ring itself is dangerous.

The bosses on the fire department usually recommend that firefighters don't wear wedding rings at work. In the academy they showed us pictures of some firefighter, somewhere, who put his hand too close to something electric and, well I won't go into the gory details other than to say think about a hot dog in a microwave for about ten minutes. Yeah, I know.

The only problem with my bosses' recommendation is that I have another boss at home. And she prefers that I wear that symbol of my love at all times. I was informed that taking off my ring at any point in my life was detrimental to my continued married bliss. Some guys wear their rings on necklaces but that just isn't me. So for me it becomes a game of finger roulette. Early on I had to make a decision. Do I profess my love to the world by wearing my ring or do I keep my finger in tact? To be honest, I'm rather attached to that finger or more specifically my finger is rather attached to me.

So here is a quick fire department story that'll make you think twice when you look at your incredibly dangerous, should-be-outlawed, wedding band.

I was on the medic and we were called to an office building where a woman was injured. When we arrived, we were met by some of the patient's pretty anxious co-workers. We found the patient in quite a bit of pain while holding her bloody hand in a towel. Upon further investigation we saw her ring on the floor beside the door. That would have been fine if her finger wasn't lying beside it.

I'm sure all of you are making the connection of her missing finger and her wedding ring, huh? But the question is, how did such a terrible thing happen? Well, since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you how it was explained to me.

It turns out this unfortunate woman was walking through the doorway when she slipped. Instinct told her to grab the door which she did. But her split second mistake was that she grabbed the gap between the door and the frame on the hinged side. Her weight from falling caused the door to close slightly, pinching her ring. She was already falling and couldn't stop herself, nor could she pull her hand free of the door. Pop! The ring pulled off her finger at the second knuckle. I'm not talking, cut off, I'm talking pulled off. From her second knuckle to her fingertip was laying on the floor. From that knuckle to her hand was exposed bone and overstretched ligaments.

We gave her an IV and a bunch of drugs which eased her pain and anxiety before rushing her and her finger to the ER. I wish I could tell you how it turned out for her, but we rarely hear how our patients do so you'll have to be in the dark just like I am.

I was telling my cousin, who is also a paramedic, about this blog and he told me about a call he had in which a police officer had the same thing happen to his finger while chasing a suspect. Only his finger ripped off when he jumped a fence and his ring caught on the chain link. You see, this happens more than most people realize.

Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?

Down with wedding rings, I say. They are dangerous and should be public enemy number one. Just please don't tell my wife I wrote that. She'll kill me ;)

I suppose you'd like to know what I decided for my own finger's well being. After everything I have written, and everything I have seen, I decided to continue wearing my ring. That's right. It isn't because my wife is a tyrant or anything like that. (I was mostly kidding when I wrote about her objections.) Don't get me wrong, she did object, just not so strongly. I don't think she would be too terribly upset if I chose my finger over a piece of jewelry. No, I wear my ring because I'm proud of it. If anyone asks, I tell them with pride that I have been married for 15 years come this October.

On any given day at work, I can be injured or worse in a thousand different ways. Although I see people die in car wrecks on a regular basis, I don't stop driving. Life is about choosing your risks. Sure, you want to minimize them as best you can, but you can't live in a bubble.

With all of that said, is my face going to be red if something terrible happens to my finger after writing this blog.

If it does, rest assured I'm going to keep that between me, my wife, and my plastic surgeon.

My First Blog Interview

2011-05-22T15:55:00.000-04:00

As we approach the release of my fantasy novel, "The Light of Epertase: Legends Reborn," I will be doing a few scheduled interviews. Last week I posted my first video interview (you can see it below) and today I'm sharing my first blog interview. I want to thank Shay Fabbro for the wonderful blog and great questions. So, go check it out and follow her for other great interviews and blogs. And let me know what you think about my interview.

Sorry, you'll have to copy and paste. I'm having trouble with blogger's link feature.

http://shayfabbro.com/2011/05/22/interview-with-author-doug-brown/

My First Video Interview

2011-05-16T09:22:00.000-04:00

So, Rhemalda asked me to do a video interview and I couldn't wait. I'm being sarcastic here. I'm not a big fan of public speaking but I figured I'd give it a shot. Here is my first video interview. I hope you enjoy it.

Happy Mother's Day, mom

2011-05-08T13:00:00.000-04:00

I can truly say that if it wasn't for my mother, I wouldn't be here today ;)

But seriously, today I take pride in calling myself a mama's boy. Because, if by mama's boy you mean someone who loves his mother very much, then I am guilty as charged. I did today's post as a way to tell my mother how much she means to me. A lot. In the hubbub of everyday life that sentiment can sometimes be neglected but it doesn't make it any less true. So mother, on this special day, know that your son is with you in his heart even if he isn't always nearby.

Earlier today my friend, Matt, reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, "The Crow," and it is true so I'm stealing it for my post. "Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children."

Mother, thank you for being you. I love you. And Happy Mother's Day.

So Long Bin Laden

2011-05-02T11:58:00.001-04:00

Photo from Ed Konefe

Almost ten years ago I was working at the fire department when someone told me an airplane had collided with the world trade center. I ran to a TV so I could see this horrible accident. Maybe I'm naive but my mind didn't go to evil but instead to a mistake. Even when I watched the second plane strike, for a moment, I wondered how it was possible that two planes could make the same mistake on the same day. I thought back to stories of an airplane getting lost in fog and hitting the Empire State building many years ago. I couldn't imagine someone doing something so horrible to our country.

I don't live in New York or Washington. I live in Columbus, Ohio. On that day, it didn't matter where I lived because we were all Americans. I was with my firefighter brothers and sisters and we wondered if such an attack could be coming to Columbus. In hindsight it was unlikely but for a few hours, the entire country was under attack.

In between emergency calls, we watched as the towers burned. We knew our New York brothers and sisters were in the firefight of their lives but who better to do it than the best firefighters in world. And when the towers collapsed, our first thoughts were how many people were still in there. There was no way we could have imagined 343 firefighters were among the dead. That hit me a little closer to home since those guys and gals went to work that morning to do the same job I was at work doing. There is a brotherhood among firefighters and on that day, firefighters everywhere were attacked.

Last night I turned on the news to find that justice for those firefighters and everyone who died on 911 had been given out by the greatest country in the history of the planet. I don't care if you are Republican or Democrat or Independent because this day is a victory for all of us.

It feels strange for a person who fights for people's lives such as myself to be so happy that someone died. But that someone was as evil as anyone in the world. I hope today is a day that we as a country can forget all of our differences for a little while and celebrate this monumental news.

To everyone affected by 911, I say we will never forget. To the soldiers and intelligence officials who fight for us every day, I say thank you. And to Bin Laden, I say America has brought justice to you. They say Bin Laden was shot in the left eye. To that I ask, "Hey Bin Laden, how's America look to you now?"

The Evolution of a Map

2011-04-25T09:12:00.000-04:00

Early on in my writing of "The Light of Epertase: Legends Reborn," I was getting lost in the world. No, I mean actually getting lost. Epertase, and the smaller countries surrounding it, became too big in my mind to keep track of. And if it had become too big and complicated for me, imagine how my poor proofreaders felt. Every one of them commented on how much easier it would be to read the book if there was a map. This is a common need in fantasy novels, BTW.

Well, easy for my proofreaders to say, but what if you don't have the talent or software to create a map? That is where I was. So, I sat down with Microsoft Paint and created this gem. Hey, it worked for what I needed so stop laughing. I kept a printed copy next to my desk for my next edit and fixed whatever minor errors I came across.

Then I received a book deal from Rhemalda Publishing. (Actually, there is a lot that happened in between but I won't bore you with all of that. You know, querying, rewrites, etc.)

During the publishing stages, Rhemalda asked if I had any maps to give them as a guide for their map work. I cringed at the idea of showing this to Rhemalda president and super genius cartographer (I just learned that word), Rhett Hoffmeister.

Before I sent my map, I warned him 17 times about how bad it was but he assured me, "No worries." Easy for him to say; I was the one who was about to show the president of my new publisher that I wasn't as talented as he may have initially thought.

With much trepidation, I sent him my craptography. We discussed all of the details, including the direction my rivers needed to flow (which required a minor edit in one of my scenes), the need for connecting roads from town to town, and other important cartography stuff. (I love that word.)

So here is what Rhett came up with. I added the brownish paper background for effect though what you see in the book will be black-and-white. I can see a little difference, how 'bout you?

Pretty cool, huh?

BTW, please, no requests for me to do the map for your book. I think one masterpiece is enough.

A Day of Training

2011-04-04T21:56:00.000-04:00

As a lieutenant, one of my responsibilities is helping train the firefighters in my charge. For a guy who doesn't particularly enjoy speaking in front of people, this prospect isn't a welcomed one. When my chief asked me the other day to train everyone in our battalion, of course, I immediately said "no." Actually, it sounded more like, "Whatever you need, chief," but you get the point.

In the fire service there is a series of trainings that we call, "Save Your Own” training. Basically, these lessons are exactly what the title says. Over the years firefighters have found we spend most of our time training on how to save you, the public, from whatever hazard you may find yourself in. That's great, that's what we're expected to do, but we were neglecting ourselves in the process. If one of us becomes trapped while looking for you, then who will save you?

It makes perfect sense if you think about it. With firefighters in the most hazardous conditions you can imagine, think about how much harder it would be to get one of our members out of our predicament. After all, that member was where he or she was because it was dangerous. Now, add 70-100 pounds of equipment and you see how impossible it can become.

Trainings have been developed over the last 20 years or so in an effort to teach us how to get ourselves or our brethren out of precarious situations… Like bailing out of an upper floor window without falling to our deaths if the room suddenly engulfs us in flames. Or how to best carry a fellow firefighter down a ladder if they become unconscious. That might sound easy at first but let me tell you, the simple act of getting an unconscious firefighter (complete with their gear and heavy SCBA) just from the floor to the window sill with fire licking at our necks, well that's enough of a challenge. Add that we still have to get them down a ladder and you begin to understand the difficulty. But there are techniques that can make this task a tad smoother though no less labor intensive. And that's what we work on.

In years past, it was in these life-or-death situations that the firefighters on the scene began thinking about how to best accomplish their rescue. By that point, thinking was too late. So you see the importance of preparing for the what-if’s?

The training I had to simulate this week involved a firefighter with zero visibility getting lost in a warehouse full of smoke (hence the zero visibility). To make this more difficult, we bled the air in his or her air tank down to 1000PSI (about 5-10 minutes depending on the individual's ability to remain calm and his or her own fitness levels). The reason we drain the air supply is to simulate a firefighter who had been working hard previous to becoming lost. We cover the individual's mask so he/she is completely blind. Then, one at a time, we lead the firefighter into the simulated warehouse and get him or her "lost."

The idea of this exercise is to test a firefighter's abilities to call for help, locate the hoseline he or she was using before becoming lost, and get out before that firefighter "dies."

Here is a sobering stat from the exercise. Out of the 26 experienced firefighters who attempted this training, around ten of them ran out of air before they escaped. They essentially "died."

There were a number of factors that contributed to these results. Though we created the exercise so every firefighter would find the hoseline right away, they needed to recognize when they came to a coupling (where two sections of hose join together) and how to tell by gloved feel only which way leads to the truck and freedom and which way leads to the nozzle. It is not a guess, there is a way, but it can be tricky to remember when the something hits the fan. It's a boring technique so I won't go into it here.

Some of the firefighters found the coupling, misread it, and went deeper into the warehouse. By the time they reached the nozzle, they had 200' feet of hose behind them to navigate along in the other direction to escape. A lot of precious air had been used to get to that point. Other members were on their way out when the hose did a circle and crossed itself beneath debris and the firefighter accidentally followed the hoseline in the direction from which they had just come. Trust me, it is easy to do.

Out of the 26 firefighters, one firefighter's microphone on his radio broke and, by no fault of his own, he was unable to call for help. Mind you, he called for help as he had no idea his words weren't going anywhere, but no one would have heard him. Imagine being in your last chance at life and an equipment failure prevents anyone from knowing until it's too late.
There were other minor errors here and there, which is to be expected in such hazardous conditions, but overall the firefighters did a great job. The members who didn't make it out never stopped trying. Even in training, there is a moment when every firefighter, exhausted and sucking that last breath of survivable air, has to decide whether to give up on the training or fight until they are told it is over. It is easy to say, "I quit. I guess I didn't make it." But if you quit now, what happens when it is for real? These guys and gals didn't give up. And I think they learned something. For that I am elated with how the training went.
These deadly situations happen around the country all of the time. You just don't hear about them unless they happens in your community. This training was developed because this exact scenario has happened many times over the years. It'll likely happen again. Here's a boring nugget for you. Firefighters die in commercial structures 4 times more often per incident than in occupied residential structures.

So, hopefully, the firefighters were able to take something away from this training that could help them if, God forbid, they ever find themselves in such a situation. And, hopefully, by reading this, you have a little better understanding of what it's like to be a firefighter.
Even when we're not fighting fires.

I promise to try and crack a joke or two in my next blog to make it more bearable.

Thanks for reading.

ARC copies

2011-03-30T23:08:00.001-04:00

My First and Only Stab at Poetry... Urgh!

2011-03-18T09:09:00.001-04:00

OK. Let me begin by saying I am not one for poetry. I understand poetry can be beautiful and that it is a skill to be able to do it well but I just don't get it. In saying this, I'm going to show you the extent of my poetry career.

In 1991, I was beginning the 12th grade and my English teacher gave us an assignment to write a poem in Emily Dickenson's style. The following is what I came up with as it was printed in the local newspaper. My mom kept this for all of these years. If I were to be honest with you, I'd tell you I don't even remember writing this let alone having it published in the paper. I imagine if I did remember this, I'd also remember my macho guy friends beating me up for it as well. But, alas, here it is. I don't know if this poem is good or embarrassing or what but I figured I'd put it out there for you all to decide. Please, be gentle.

"Your Name as a character" contest (Plus some other loot.)

2011-03-09T07:25:00.000-05:00

Well, the title says it all. I am holding a contest in which the winner will name a character in my next published novel. Just imagine, if you win you will have a character named after your child, you, your best friend, whoever you choose, forever. It doesn't matter to me who you pick.

When I say naming a character after you, I'm not talking about a character in a bar who says, "Good morning," to the hero as he passes by either. This character's name will be mentioned several times in more than one chapter.

But wait, there's more. How can I make this contest even better? (Imagine my sparkling smile and cheap suit like an infomercial host.) Well, how about if the winner of this contest also wins one of every prize that I offer from now until the release? That's right, win this contest and you automatically win every contest prize from now until launch. If I offer a poster as a future prize, the winner of this contest receives one as well as the main winner. If I give away a signed copy of the book, yep, you guessed it, you will win one too. Bookmarks? Sure thing. (Giveaways by Rhemalda, Goodreads, or any other entity different from www.epertase.blogspot.com not included.)

So how do you win this awesome prize? It's easy but it does take something from you. My fantasy novel, "The Light of Epertase: Legends Reborn," is set to release on August 1, 2011. Here's all you have to do. First, pre-order my novel anytime before its release. (You were going to buy it anyway, right?) I've even included a few links to make it easier for you. (Amazon, Barnesandnoble, Rhemalda) Next, email me a copy of the order receipt before August 1st at epertase@gmail.com.

Upon my receiving your verification of order, you will be entered into the contest. That's it; that's all you have to do.

"Now wait a minute," you might say. "What if I've already ordered your book, Doug?"

Well it wouldn't be fair if I didn't include you, would it? So, if you've already ordered, send me a copy of the receipt or order verification page and you're in.

Throughout the lead-up to my release, I'll have other contests but this will be the only one that you will be required to buy anything. But then, what could be a better prize than this?

Free gift for a little sharing

Now, on top of this wonderful contest, I want to give away free stuff and I want it to be easy to get. A lot of my contests will be announced on Facebook along with my blog and Twitter, so friend me (Facebook, Twitter) or follow my blog (www.epertase.blogspot.com) to be sure to hear about them.

In fact, I want to give something away right now. For the first 100 people who share this contest announcement on Facebook, or Twitter, or your own blog, I'll send you a signed, limited edition bookmark. There will only be 500 of this particular bookmark in total.

I will give the rest of these bookmarks out periodically until they are gone. After these 500 are gone, I will destroy the template and it won't be available again. As I said, this bookmark will be signed and numbered.

So that's it. No contest. Everyone's a winner. All I ask is if you share this blog for me, send me a message or email and include where you shared it and your address so I can get the bookmark sent to you. (I'll send out the bookmarks throughout the month of May.) That's it. Share and win. Everybody loves sharing, right? Just remember, you have to let me know where you shared the link in case I miss seeing it along with your address. Epertase@gmail.com

To recap. 1.) Be one of the first 100 people to share this link: win a limited-edition, signed bookmark. 2.)Pre-order my book and send me the proof: entered to win a bunch of swag and name a character in my next published novel.

So, there you have it. My first-ever contest. What do you think? Worth entering?

Good luck.

Now the fine print. Relax, nothing major.

1.) Stipulations for "Your Name as a Character" contest. Upon being notified of winning (contest will be announced during the launch week of August 1st, 2011) you will need to submit the names of three people (first and middle of each person on your list) in the order of preference. The reason for this is that my next published work is likely to be "The Light of Epertase, Book Two: A Kingdom's Fall." I have to have a little leeway in regards to names because the world is a fantasy world. In other words, Fred might not work. I may need to use a variation of Fred or his middle name. Frederick, for instance, might work better for my world. If I've tried everything and can't come up with something that works in my world, I'd go to your second choice. Now understand, I will do everything in my power to make the first name on your list work. I will contact you and we will go over this together so we are both happy and satisfied.

2.) Unfortunately, family members are excluded but, hey, you're probably in one of my books already.

3.) Due to shipping costs, "Sharing the link Bookmarks" giveaway is only valid in Canada and the US. I'm sorry everyone else.

4.) Winner of "Your name as a character" contest will be by a random drawing.

What's All This Collective Bargaining Noise?

2011-02-28T22:40:00.000-05:00

If you've followed my blog then you know I write about being a firefighter quite a lot. I have never used this blog for political reasons, and don’t intend to make a habit of it, but this topic is an exception and I feel I must address the issues.

In the news lately, you may have heard some talk about collective bargaining and binding arbitration and other lawyer-sounding blah, blah, blah. As a firefighter I thought I'd give you a small taste of my feelings on the matter.

Hey, no dozing off. I'll try to keep this as interesting as I can.

First the boring part. (No jokes about how all of my blogs are boring, either.) Collective bargaining is how local governments negotiate with their public employees. It provides a set of rules to level the playing field between the bosses and the employees. If a fair deal cannot be agreed upon between the two parties, the contract goes to an arbitrator who looks at similar-sized communities (along with a bunch of other factors) and rules on what he/she believes is fair. Sometimes the bosses get what they want and sometimes the employees do. The arbitrator’s decision becomes the contract, hence binding arbitration. Whew. That was rough. So now here's my unbiased, wink, wink, take on what's currently going on.

If the politicians take collective bargaining from us, you can imagine what happens to our rights when it comes to negotiating. And this isn't about pay or benefits, either. Sure, those issues will be affected, but this has more to do with safety. A lot of people don't realize that equipment, staffing, ect. are covered in our contract negotiations. Here is a likely scenario of a future negotiation.

Boss: "Hey, (insert public employee name here). We found firefighter turnout gear that is much cheaper than the stuff you're wearing."

Public employee: "But, sir/ma'am. That gear isn't as good as what we have. We will be in greater danger if we use that. Can't we compromise?"

Imagine evil laughter.

Now we're in a sticky spot.

At least the budget will be fixed. Right?

Oh, shoot. That really isn't true, either. Tough economic times call for everyone to cut back, I get it. This plan doesn't do that. The politicians will still overspend, they will simply make us pay for it. Kind of like not buying your kid as good of a car seat so you can get that nice new high-speed rail. This attack on unions is just that--an attack on unions.

Let's look at Wall Street as an example. When a company's revenue goes down, let's just say hypothetically due to a poor economy, how do CEOs keep afloat? They probably take pay cuts and hold off on spending more money until things get better, right?

No? They layoff workers. Or buy cheaper parts. Did you know 2x4 lumber is really 1 ¾ x 3 ½?

I'm a firefighter. I'm not rich. I make more money than some and less money than others. Collective bargaining came around about thirty years ago. Firefighters rose from lower middle class to where we are now as a result. If you were running a city, you wouldn't like that too much, I don't imagine. If you could pay someone pennies to do a job, why would you pay them more?

Over the last few years, Wall Street and banking CEOs destroyed our country through their greed and lack of fiscal responsibility by causing the greatest economic downturn since the depression. This hurt everyone. To fix this, few CEO's if any have gone to jail or helped turn around the economy. They're not even hiring people because of fear of another crash. The people in power can't take the money from the poor since the poor don't have much to take. They won't take it from the rich, so that leaves the continuously diminishing middle class once again.

This isn't firefighters looking for extravagant paydays while watching the country crumble around them. Hell, Columbus firefighters deferred their last raise to help the city get through the hard times. Money isn't as important as getting a fair shake at the table.

I'd like to add something personal here. Sometimes at night while I'm in the fire house getting ready to lie down, I think about my family. Actually, I take that back. I think about my family every night. But some nights I think about my co-workers having to tell my wife and son that I'm not coming home. That's a pretty heavy weight but it is my cross to bear. I, along with firefighters and law enforcement personnel around the country, do that for the citizens paying our salary every day.

When the government tells you we are costing too much, ask yourself, "How many rich teachers do you know? Or firefighters? Or cops?"

Let me ask you this. Do any of you believe the teachers, firefighters, cops, etc. bankrupted this country with secret plans of world domination? Some people do. OK, not the world domination part, I threw that in. If you look at the grand scheme of things, the money saved from cutting our legs out from under us, even if the governments drastically cut our pay and benefits, would barely dent the deficit. Actually, dent is too big of a word for what it would do. This is a coordinated plan to break the last strong unions in the country. It's happening in Wisconsin, it's happening in Ohio, and it'll happen where you live soon.

Do you want the teacher teaching your kids or the police officers and firefighters saving your lives to be the lowest bid price? There is a saying, "You get what you pay for."

Let me leave you with a joke I read on Facebook the other day. I don't know who came up with it but it wasn't me. A CEO, teabagger, and union worker are sitting around a table that has a dozen cookies on it. The CEO takes eleven of the cookies, turns to the teabagger, and says, "Watch that union guy closely. He's going to try to take some of your cookie."

We don't want much of that cookie, just enough to keep us and you safe.

We are held to a higher standard for a reason. We have good jobs. But we're not stealing your money. The government should look elsewhere to find where it went.

Your History

2011-02-22T09:26:00.001-05:00

I cringe just thinking about this blog.

The other day my wife and I were cleaning out our crawlspace in our basement when we stumbled across a tote full of my old artwork and childhood papers. Submerged within this tote was all of the stories I had written as a kid; I'd say about 11 or 12 years old. When I wrote these stories, I was obsessed with the slasher horror movies and it showed in my writing.

Reading these awful stories today is like torture. And do you know what is even more torturous? The fact that I'm going to share it with you. Yes, you heard that right, I'm going to show you my earliest work. The following is the first page of my first ever novel. (I say novel even though the entire story is a whopping 12 pages long.) Here it is with zero corrections. Go ahead and have a laugh.

The story was titled, "Your History." The byline was, "This is one class that you'd better pass!"

Alright, alright. Stop laughing.

On a side note, "Your History" was so successful (in my mind) that I wrote a sequel called "Your History Part 2: School Days" And the tagline for that masterpiece was, "Time for a Long Vacation."

And now my first-ever first page of a novel (with a few comments from me in red.) Enjoy.

This is such a mistake.

It is time for the first day of school and Mr. Stean is organizing his notes. Marc Stean is a substitute teacher for Mrs. Judy Eagle's 10th grade History class. Marc is tall, (6'4"- 6'5"), muscular, and weighs approximately 200 lbs. He has black hair and black eyes. (Notice how the descriptions just flow out of my 11-year-old mind?) Marc is not a teacher who usually dresses up, he likes to wear casual clothes but today is very special so he has dressed up. Judy is in the hospital for nine weeks. She is on IV's and oxygen. (It's all in the details, folks.)

Marc leaves for school and says that he is ready for anything. When the day gets underway, kids snicker and laugh at him. The day is almost over and the kids are acting up. They don't listen to anything Marc says.

James, a red-head, spits a spit-wad into the back of Marc's hair. Jimmy put chewing gum on Mr. Stean's chair. John got into the gradebook and changed all the grades. (Did I really think that stuff happened in schools?)

That night, Marc decides to be more strict with the kids. Marc also thinks about all that has happened that day. This angers Marc, but he keeps his cool. He says to himself, "I never should have taken this job. My day has been a disaster and I'll go crazy before this grading period is over."

The next day is even worse. He thinks about the things that had happened. Anything bad that could happen, did. (OK, maybe I could use a little more description here.) This continues for five straight weeks, when the principal comes in and sees the kids messing around in the class.(Five weeks in five paragraphs. That, my friends, is called efficiency.) The principal fires Marc and says, "Don't ever come back if you can't keep your class under control." (Ohhhh.)

He goes home furious and looks at the pictures on the wall.(???) He loves to design and make-up ways of killing for movies. Marc just loves seeing blood and gross violence.

He has a wrist-band that he wears around the house. It is a band that slides onto his arm. It is about the length of his forearm. The blade is 12 1/2 inches long. The blade is razor sharp and can slice through bone and meat like it was butter. (See how the similes roll from my fingers like... uh... like... well, I can't think of anything right off-hand.) The blade slides out the band when he clinches a fist and backup when he releases. He puts this along with some clothes into a wooden floor in the cellar.

And there you have it--my first page as a budding writer at the “tender” age of eleven. The story progressed from this strong first page into slasher-style violence. I feel sorry for my grandma who typed every bloody word. I mentioned in another blog once that I wonder if she was secretly pushing my mom to have me committed and I still believe that could be the case. I'd love to give you more fun and entertainment but I must save the last 11 pages of this exquisite writing for my next submission to my publisher. Get ready, Rhemalda, to go into the "Your History" business.

I know they'll love it. Don't you think?

Last Day, First Day pt. 2

2011-01-31T09:32:00.000-05:00

As promised, here is part two of my wildly successful blog from last week. Ok, wildly successful is a bit of a stretch. If you haven't read part one, you probably should. As you may recall from waaay back on last Sunday, I wrote about how station 22 celebrated my last day as a firefighter at the station. BTW, the Halloween picture they used for the cake now has a nice spot on the refrigerator for everyone to see. I can't thank my wife enough for that little nugget.

Anyway, let's get to my first day as a lieutenant at station 15. It was Monday morning and I had been assigned to the ladder for the first half of the day. Nevermind the fact that I've never ridden ladder 15 in my career though that didn't discourage my bosses from putting me in charge of it on my first day. It is, after all, the best way to become efficient, right? My cousin always tells me that putting myself into uncomfortable positions is the best way to grow. By 8:30 Monday morning, I was a little skeptical about that bit of advice.

I showed up to work with 4 gallons of ice cream, a mandatory gesture for a firefighter doing something for the first time and I was pretty sure my day would be full of firsts.

I checked my equipment, did some paperwork, put up the ladder with the crew, and helped with the housework. So far, so good.

The morning came and went with little action. The afternoon, however, was a different matter. I was hoping for a fire alarm, or a CO (carbon monoxide) check, or something minor to get my feet wet.

Uh, wrong.

My first ever call as a lieutenant came mid afternoon. It was a report of a fire. Half-way to the scene, one of the responding companies reported heavy smoke showing and they weren't even close to the fire yet.

Ready or not, this was it. We ended up being the second ladder on the scene and the fire was mostly out which meant I didn't have a lot to do. Most of the firefighters there were friends of mine or, at the least, acquaintances and this was their first chance to see me in my bright red, almost glowing new helmet.

Startling me from behind, a guy named Billy pounded on my helmet with a pike pole three times, almost breaking my neck. I turned and smiled. He reminded me that even if I was a lieutenant, I was still a "newboy" in his eyes.

Before we left, I heard every joke about how I should roll in the ashes and soot inside the fire building to knock some of the shine from my helmet. (Which I didn't do in case you're wondering.) I've heard that joke about 100 times since as well.

We headed back to the station. It wasn't more than a half-hour later that we received another call. And again this was a report of a fire only this time we'd be the first ladder on the scene. To make my life a little more stressful, this was reported in a warehouse with, yes you guessed it, another column of smoke from the distance.

Here's where I got lucky. The ladder crew assigned to me that day was a very experienced crew and for the most part my job was not getting in their way. Alright, I had a little more to do than that but you get the picture. I did more on that call than the first but since it turned out to be a car on fire inside the garage of a repair shop, it was contained before it got into the walls and most of my work was after the initial knockdown.

And still my helmet looked like a shiny red apple.

Back at the station, my wonderful, lovely, stupendous (am I laying it on too thick?) friend, we call him "pup," let me know that the Captain of another ladder company had called and was pissed at me for something I did on the fire. My first day and somehow I was upsetting captains.

I decided to call him back right away so I could take my lumps and clear the air. There was only one problem: the tones went off again and I got the CO run I had hoped for earlier. Of course, throughout the CO run, I couldn't think of anything but why the captain could be angry with me.

If you didn't realize by now, my stress level was entering the red zone.

After the CO run, I dialed the captain's station (I know phones don't have dials anymore but could you cut me some slack here?)

The captain's initial words were, "Congratulations on the promotion."

The calm before the storm.

I said, "I heard you were upset with something I did on the fire earlier."

"Oh yeah?" he said, sounding genuinely surprised. "And what do you think that was?"

I had probably done at least ten things wrong but I wasn't about to give him any additional fodder. "I don't know, cap."

I could almost see him grinning through the phone when he said, "Who told you that I was mad?"

I realized the joke before I even said Pup's name and my face undoubtedly matched my helmet.

After a quick laugh, he said, "They're messing with you, Doug. I only wish they had told me before you called so I could have been a part of the joke. I would have let you have it."

I said, "I'm glad they didn't"

Good one, Pup.

That evening I moved to the engine, where I am infinitely more comfortable. The rest of shift was uneventful and I survived my first day as a lieutenant.

Oh yeah, I forgot. At lunch, they presented me with a toy "light stick."

Uh, "Star Wars" again. Thanks 22's.

Will it never end?

Last Day, First Day

2011-01-23T13:34:00.000-05:00

Friday was my last day as a firefighter at Station 22. After 11 years at the station, the guys and I have become more like family than coworkers. I've been through some of the best times and some of the worst times with these guys and leaving 22's was a pretty tough thing to do.

On the fire department there is a tradition that a person getting promoted, or as we call it "getting made," must buy steaks for everyone at the station. Well, Friday night was my night to buy steaks.

You see, I've been promoted to Lieutenant. Among other things, being promoted means I have to vacate my firefighter assignment in order to move into another station where a lieutenant is needed. On Columbus Fire Department, that will likely be a different station each day until I can bid on a permanent place.

This blog is about my last day at 22's as a firefighter. Part two will come in the next week or so and will be about my first day as a new lieutenant. To celebrate my promotion, several people stopped by the station to wish me well, which meant more steaks. My wife and son, some of my best friends on the department, and my battalion chief to name a few. Fifteen steaks in all and I haven't even gotten my first paycheck.

As anyone who follows my blog will know, firefighters don't simply stop with congratulations. There has to be some sort of razzing and the act of getting promoted doesn't lessen that harassment in any way.

The first thing I found was a little announcement on the dry erase board. Here's a picture of what it said:

I feel the "Star Wars" reference needs to be explained. Since this is my blog, I can explain it in any way that I feel will cause me the least embarrassment. Let me preface by telling you that I like to go to movies on their opening night. Maybe it is because I like the atmosphere, maybe because I can't wait, or maybe I am just a sucker for the hype. But whatever the reason, that isn't what's important.

Anyway, several years ago I had some friends who were going to the premiere of one of the new "Star Wars" movies. I was invited and thought it might be fun to go with my friends. But I had a problem--I worked that shift. Trying to be as nonchalant as I could, I asked one of the guys to work for me that night and in return I'd work for him on my next night off. I didn't see it as a big deal.

Boy was I mistaken.

My friend worked my shift as planned. I wasn't there but apparently during the evening news when the reporter did a story about the "Star Wars" fans waiting in line, my friend accidentally let it slip where I was going. (Yes, Mike, I'm talking about you.) So here I am standing in line for "Star Wars" (which I hated btw) while the guys at 22's were rolling on the floor hysterical at the knowledge that I took off work for such an event. They couldn't wait for my next shift.

For many years, my life became Chewbacca noises on the house intercom, jokes about carrying a "light stick" as they liked to call the light-sabers, and dressing up in line (which I absolutely have never done).

In fact, one night we responded to a house where the kids were playing "Star Wars." My genius firefighter buddies thought it would be funny to ask the parents what they thought of a guy taking off work to go stand in line for a "kids" movie. And then, like always, they'd add their line about me dressing up in costumes, which again is not true. Leave it to a firefighter to not let the facts get in the way of a good story.

Back to Friday night. My lieutenant gave a wonderful speech about how great I am. Remember, this is my blog and I can tell it however I please. When he finished, my chief made some equally nice comments and then they presented me with a Star Wars-wrapped gift.

Again with the "Star Wars." Arrgghh.

With everyone watching, I was terrified to open the package, expecting an action figure or a light stick. But it wasn't "Star Wars" memorabilia at all. My gift was a firefighter knife with an engraved blade reading: Lt. Doug Brown. E22. It is awesome.

But the jokes weren't enough for these clowns. My friend and top harasser, John, insisted that he is going to call every station that I go to and make sure the firefighters there are aware of the "Star Wars" incident. Is it too late to resign from the fire department?

On top of everything, a couple of my close friends gave me gifts that I could never thank them for enough.

And finally, there's the cake...

I hesitate in showing you this but decided we're all adults here and my coworkers' time and energy shouldn't go to waste. Thanks to my lovely wife they were able to get a picture of me in my most embarrassing Halloween outfit (yes, honey, they squealed).

So here it is for the world to enjoy--a picture of me at my worst. All this and I didn't even win the costume contest that year.

All joking aside, I'm going to miss the guys at 22's as much as I'd miss an infected in-grown toenail. No, I'm kidding. I'll miss them like cousins who move far away. Well, maybe fourth cousins. Alright, fifth cousins tops.

And there you have it, a snippet of my last day at 22's. My next blog will be about my first day as a new lieutenant. I have no idea how that blog will turn out but hopefully I have good things to say. I'm at L15 on Monday and I'm well-aware that the guys at 15's make the guys at 22's seem like choir boys.

What did I get myself into?

"Star Wars," anyone?